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View Full Version : Un do it ~ F/F



MYDaddysBox
07-13-2006, 11:17 PM
hope to hear from you all on my first story.
rate it by number....1. totaly sucked donkey dick
2. only sucked a little donky dick.
3. ok its gotten a bit better at sucking
4. wholy shit its better.
5. its the best suckin ever and the Donkey squirted.

late last night i heard them again. That thumpin around as he pushed her into the wall. Clear as day Amber moaned with pleasure. Only wondered if he was as good as she had made him out to be. After all she talks about him all the time.
He's the best she's ever had, oh i love it when he does this or that to me. only if Robert would do these things to you, mary! i'm sure you'd feel the same way i do. Often she rubs that in my face. I feel like telling her it's not Robert i want.
Secretly i've had a crush on her, never revealed to any one that i was bi-courous, if Amber ever found out i watch her when she takes her clothes off, and dream of caressing her breast. I'm sure she'd never speak to me. so i hide it and hide it well!
. I'm sure Robert wouldn't mind. He knows every little secret there is to know about me, I don't keep things from him, you see we've been married for15 years, at 16 our parents allowed us to get married. willingly they signed the papers. How odd.
ringing in the kitchen i rush to answer it. Hello mary it's amber. How are ya doin girl?
I'm ok why?
well i'm goin out with some of the girls and wanted to know if you'll join, being robert wont be home til tomarrow.. how long is he going to be on this job any way?
another week. Amber i thought i told you; hes coming home not this weekend but next. He's only gonna be here to get some clothes cause his work uniforms need to be clean for next week. I'm home alone for just another week. I can't wait for him to get back home to stay though. This vibrater isn't doin the trick any more.
What does Robert say about that.
well not much he can say his phone is dead cause he can't pay the damn bill on time.oh well though what time will ya be here to get me. My car is dead so i cant meat ya there.
How about now i'm pullin in your drive way as we speak..
Amber i can't stand that when ya do that to me. I still have to take a shower if ya want me to go..
Thats ok i'll wait for ya, meantime let me get off this phone and i'll be in.
ok..
well whats ya waiten for! christmas. jump in the shower! i'll start a pot of coffee so you and juice it up on caffeine before we booze it up..

HOT nice-n- hot thats how this showers got to be. Maybe i'll make it a cold one, cause i'm going out with amber tonight and this crush is killin me. OH DAMN THATS TOO COLD!. wow never saw my nippels so errect.. as i wash my hair the water runnin down my face, i start to fantasize what i would do to amber if she'd let me. Grab her by the back of her neck and bring her close to me as i embrace her with a long passionate kiss, run my hands down her fulupuous breast. Kissing her all the while.
Hey mary can i ask you a question?
WHOLY SHIT amber you scared the hell out of me. sure what is it..?
can i join you in the shower.. i'll wash your back for ya..
o.k. that would help out saying i can't reach my back very well.
Mary this shower is to cold! how about some hot water please. this is makin my nipples hurt..
oh sorry.
wheres the soap mary.
right here.
you know what mary you are so damn hot,
well you asked me to turn the hot water on silly.
no i mean hot as she grabbs me and starts kissing me.
OOOOOOOH yeah i'm likin this. of course i had to kiss her back.
gently we rubbed our hands apon eachothers breast, caressing one another, slowly she knelt down and started kissing my thighs running her tounge up between the lips of my crotch, i almost came instantly! but, i held back for the perfect moment. pulling her up to myself i slammed her into the wall and crammed my finger insider her wet moist pussy. amber is moaning more then i've ever heard her before.. we turned the water off and ran to the bedroom.

i have a double vibrater in my bag mary wanna try it out?
oh yeah i thought to myself what a fantasy come true if only robert knew it came true.. he would be tickled pink.

we 69'd it for what seemed a lifetime. WE came over and over again. Amber slipped the double header inbetween us and gently slid it back and forth between the two of us. In the heat of all this she throws me on the bed changed into my strap on that robert bought for me to use on him.allowing me to act out the fantasy of Amber, i told you! Theres nothing he does not know about me. she fucked me so hard i came 5 times. could not move any more i'm completely wiped out. apparently she is to. We never made it to the bar, we spent the whole week together enjoying each orgasim.

Robert came home and i just had to tell him the news..
hey baby ya wanna know what happened this week.
what's that baby?
Amber and i fucked the whole week you were gone.
Damn and i never set the camera up.. oh well baby. maybe next time..

davesmistress
07-13-2006, 11:30 PM
Great story for your first attempt...thanks for sharing it with us.

MYDaddysBox
07-13-2006, 11:33 PM
heres a ? do you write your story in like mic word and then cut and past or some other way...i didnt know if when you go to post something if it would time out on you or not..

MYDaddysBox
07-17-2006, 10:18 PM
now that i know the answer to the dumb question i asked earlier i'll write better storys at a latter date i just reread that one and it's pretty lame...


SORRY EVERYONE...:(

Scorpio8
07-18-2006, 09:33 AM
Actually for a first attempt it's pretty good overall.

It sets the right mood for an erotic story and the theme
of two women is always a good topic and a personal favorite
of mine.

Sometimes it's a bit tricky to get the format down when it
goes from using Mircosoft word to posting on the site.

I've taken to working in shorter sentence lengths so the post
will display better on the site here.

One thing that you can do if you include diaglogue which you
did here in your story. Dialogue really kicks up a story to an
even better level.

Use quotations around the dialogue so it's easy to see
when the charcter is speaking. Kinda like this.

"Hey mary can I ask you a question?"

"WHOLY SHIT amber you scared the hell out of me."

"Sure what is it..?"

"Can i join you in the shower, I'll wash your back for ya."

Doing it this way and separating them like this make it easier
for the reader to see who is doing the talking and to whom.

You'll find that if you want to keep creating stories that the
more you do, the easier it will start to come together and
you'll develop your skills as you go along.

A lot of writing when you start out is trial and error and I
think this first story is pretty decent and definitely worth
reading!!!
:clap
Keep up the good work.

JackBNimble
07-18-2006, 11:45 AM
Good first attempt. Writing isn't easy, especially if you haven't done it before! From a technical standpoint I highly recommend using Word or another word processing program to handle writing and catching spelling and grammar errors.

Generally copy and paste works fine as long as you're not doing anything too odd with the formating.

Overall, start with something that particularly interests you...passion and enthusiasm go a long way to making a good story.

Thanks for the contribution and I hope we'll some some more from you soon!

MYDaddysBox
07-18-2006, 07:58 PM
Thanks jack, scorpio,and daves mistress.

i appreciate all the help i can get..

i have a situation with the keyboard i get going to fast at typing that the letters get a head of me some times.

i'll attempt to type more with the word. but i'm not very good at stick and lick with puters so i'll snag the hubby to cut and paste for me... maybe i'll use his cactus for the paste.... he he..

freedom37803
07-18-2006, 09:29 PM
I agree that is a good story for a first attempt. Work on the formatting so it's easy to read and general grammer and you've got it!

Great job!

youngguitar
07-29-2009, 09:32 AM
it was good

saintman
07-29-2009, 01:37 PM
good first story

Bloosseer
04-11-2010, 04:18 AM
Nice story

Nylonlady
05-04-2010, 11:59 AM
Still in all nice story