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Semigloss
11-07-2006, 02:55 AM
Here is something to push the envelope. I put it in the fantasy section because it is a science fiction story. I put it in an erotic fiction forum at all because it focuses on women talking about, looking at, and feeling each other's breasts. But this is a very strange story and cannot even begin to imagine what sort of feedback I might get for it. People who are fans of breast expansion are slightly more likely to enjoy it.


Fair Trade

The city has advanced beyond measure in the last few hundred years and she had been there to see it all. Jessica Kimura stared out of the window of her office in the highest tower, her dark eyes gazing down upon the city that she had forged.

She was intensely proud of her accomplishments; there wasn't a soul in all the world who did not envy her, but even a powerful and beautiful woman like herself had problems that she kept secret from everyone.

The company that she owned was the worldwide leader in medical technology and pharmaceuticals. It had developed drugs to cure every disease known to mankind and even the aging process could be halted for the right price. Jessica herself had managed to stay young for nearly five hundred years, but finally her age was catching up with her.

For all her life she had been the most beautiful. She had deep, dark eyes and a smooth, sculpted face that would make any artist proud. Her cheeks were high and her nose was small, slender and perfectly formed. She let her luxurious, shiny black hair flow free down her shoulders and merge with the black business suit that set off her creamy skin so amazingly. None of that had changed over the centuries, thanks to the endless pills, injections, and skin creams that her company produced.

Despite her age, it was not death that worried her. She was beyond death and could reasonably expect to survive until the end of the world and perhaps even longer.

In all the world there were only two things that gave her the slightest concern and one of them had suddenly grown shockingly urgent. That thing was her chest. During her early years she had very nice breasts, large but not overly large and beautifully shaped. She had given it very little thought until after her 50th year when she started noticing those perfect orbs begin to sag. She had the face of a 25-year-old, but the weight of her bosom was taking its toll.

She had instantly devoted all the resources of her massive company into finding a solution and a mere ten years later they had a revolutionary and powerful chemical. With just a few injections directly into each breast the firmness and fullness of her bosom could be completely restored. To her great pleasure, with just a little more of the chemical, her breasts could be enhanced to be better than ever.

This lasted for about a hundred years, but then she found she was growing resistant to the chemical and had to take more and more just to maintain the effect. For the last two hundred years she had a tube permanently inserted into each of her breasts to continuously feed the chemical straight to her flesh.

She didn't regret such a drastic step. In fact, it made her feel great. She could adjust the flow of the drug at will with a discreet control on her belt and thereby alter the appearance of her breasts to suit her whims. The tubes were totally undetectable under most clothing.

Her dependance on the drug was not her problem. Her problem was that for the last 5 years, her breasts had been aching. She could feel a deep, throbbing pain and it got worse whenever she increased the flow of the drug. Of course, she did not live with the pain; she had more than enough pills to relieve any pain without side-effects, but removing the symptom would not remove the problem. Her doctors had informed her that the chemical was becoming a strain on the delicate tissue of her breasts and that she was going to have to reduce her dosage.

The human breast is a remarkable organ that is filled with glands, ducts. arteries, veins and ligaments. It is more delicate and complex than any single mind can fully comprehend, and all of those connected systems in Jessica's breasts were beginning to show the stress of being pumped full of an endless supply of harsh chemicals. The cell walls were breaking down and there was no cure. No drug could fix it; more chemicals would only do more harm.

And so her breasts began to slowly shrink and sag as she followed her doctor's advice. She did everything she could to keep it secret. The last thing she wanted would be for pictures of her breasts to be in all the newspapers, which would be certain if they had any clue about what was happening to her.

The thought of living forever with the breasts of an old woman was something she couldn't bear, so instead she was forced to turn to a radical and dangerous option. It was a surgery unlike any that had been attempted in medical history, but she was determined to be the first. All she needed was a donor to supply her new breasts, someone young and beautiful, someone alive and with a great pair of tits.

That was why she was staring out into the city just then, looking down towards the only other thing which concerned her. Her eyes flowed over the gleaming glass and metal of the brilliant towers of the city until they reached down to the black clouds of the underworld.

She had watched the city rise over the years, growing forever upwards thanks to the popularity of flying cars. They were a fantasy come true and everyone wanted them. They flew smoothly and safely, a luxurious ride, though very expensive. Soon, people were parking on the rooftops of buildings and never setting foot on the ground at all. The businesses at street level all closed and the life of the city rose into the sky.

At first, the smog had been a problem. The air up here was thin and dirty and hard to breathe, but that was soon solved forever. Now there were air purifiers in every major building that sucked the toxins out of the air and chemically altered them to make them heavy. The smug sunk down to the earth while the people sailed through clean, perfect air in their marvelous flying cars.

The world below was no longer considered part of the city. The black smog was so thick that no one could even see the streets. It was under the city and beneath the attention of the citizens.

But Jessica knew too well that there were still people living down there, their lives miserable and pathetic. No matter how horrible life there became, their numbers always grew. Whenever someone lost his job in the city and could no longer afford an apartment above the clouds, they were forced down into the filth. They bred there like rats and many people believed that one day those animals would rise up to attack the city out of sheer envy. If that happened, she would be ruined. Her company and nearly everything she owned was in the city, along with her source of the drugs that were to keep her eternally young.

She had done everything she could to prevent it. Even though it gave her a radical reputation, she continually pushed the government into taking more extreme measures. She was not satisfied until the day that poison gas was dumped into the underworld, though not for the reason she would have expected.

It was her power that had cut off the underworld completely from the city. All the elevators were permanently blocked and all the telephone connections severed. The flying buses which used to give the poor people hope of travelling up to the city were finally stopped entirely.

With the push of a small intercom button on her desk, she smiled and said casually, "Alexander, I think I'd like another trip down below. Bring the car around."

"Yes, Ma'am," came simply through a speaker.

Her car was huge and made of shiny black metal. It opened with a soft hiss as she walked out onto the balcony and her driver hovered silently waiting for her. Inside she had a full office with everything she needed to work while she travelled. The walls were lined with comfortable seats that all faced inwards, with only a small window in the front that allowed her to see the driver and the sky ahead, but she usually kept it blocked by a shutter.

The car slid smoothly and silently through the air until it slipped without a sound into the darkness of the swirling clouds. Everything went black around her for a moment as she lazed comfortably in her soft leather seat, then they emerged from the cloud layer and flew at the level of the streets with dim light filtered down from above.

"Drive around for a while, Alexander," ordered Jessica pleasantly, "And keep a watch for anyone with nice tits."

She had come down here several times looking for a candidate for the surgery, but she had never been satisfied with what she had seen. However, this time would be the one, because she was running out of time.

She reached down to her belt and touched the little electronic controls that regulated her drug supply. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew that it wouldn't be pleasant, but she was soon to meet with some woman with great breasts and Jessica Kimura refused to feel inferior to anyone.

She felt the ache instantly. As the chemical flow increased, her flesh throbbed and swelled. She could feel her veins standing out hard against the fabric of her suit and her jacket was slowly stretched tighter and tighter. Her breasts were pulsating and firm, burning hot in her clothes as they were once again transformed into the perfect orbs of her youth. She could feel her flesh straining to keep that shape and she knew that more than a couple hours of it would do her permanent damage, but that would be more than enough time.

It took her a few minutes to recover and she waited patiently for her heart to calm, but her breasts felt tight and strained in their own skin, like water-balloons, though she hated thinking of them that way.

She slowly leaned forward and peered out the tinted windows. Her dark eyes scanned the desolate streets. They were piles of garbage everywhere. People in the city just dumped everything they did not want into the underworld where it could be forgotten. The smell was trapped by the cloud barrier and it was left for the rats to clean up, but it seemed that no one here cared. She grimaced and shook her head at how useless and pathetic these people were. She would have absolutely no regrets about stealing the breasts of a pretty young girl if she was one of the filth who lived here.

"Alexander!" gasped Jessica and her eyes widened, "There! That's the one! Stop the car."

Anna was a pretty girl who was born in the city. She lived the beautiful life of the people in the sky and went to the world's best schools, all of which were in the city. She had high expectations from her life and rightly expected to live at the tops of the more beautiful towers in the world among the most wealthy of the rich. She was smart and sexy and she had all the qualities that companies were looking for, plus her amazing breasts.

Jessica's medical company had snatched Anna up right out of school at the age of 20. Anna was at the top of her class and she excelled beyond anyone's expectations in her entry-level administration position. She was the fastest rising star that anyone had ever seen.

But the company was huge; in reality she was just one of thousands and one day Jessica had a crazy whim that cost Anna everything. Jessica simply decided that she would fire every woman that might be considered more beautiful than herself. It only amounted to about 15 women in the entire company, but Anna's career was cut short after only a year. Everyone who knew Anna said it was a horrible tragedy and a hideous injustice, but then they quickly forgot about her.

Anna struggled to get a new job, but a bad reference from Jessica was enough to completely destroy anyone's career. Soon Anna was kicked out of her apartment and before she knew it she was riding a taxi to a slum in the underworld. She told herself that it was one of the most respected areas beneath the clouds and that it was only until she could find some money to get back up top. Once she was down she quickly realized that there was no money; there was no way back up.

At the age of 23 and dressed in rags, she was shocked to see a beautiful limousine glide along the dirty streets and stop right in front of her. It was so shiny that it took her breath away. She had not seen anything clean in years.

The glossy black door slid open with a gentle hiss, like the smooth surface of the limousine were liquid metal flowing away for her to enter. A luxurious voice came from deep inside, "Come in. Take a drive with me."

It was dangerous to enter a strange car on the street without known who was in it or where it was going, but Anna was beyond caring; this was a flying car and it was Anna's last hope of ever seeing the sky again.

As soon as the offer was made, the girl in the tattered clothes went straight in through the open door. The inside was even more breath-taking than the outside and Anna had to gape at all the gleaming black leather. The seats were so large and soft that she could surely fall asleep in one of them.

"Please, sit down."

Anna slowly sat facing Jessica on the opposite side of the car. The dirty hands touched the incredibly smooth leather and a shiver went up Anna's body. All the wonderful feelings of her old life were rushing back to her. Then she gasped as she realized whose car this was. Anna was staring straight at the woman who had ruined everything.

Jessica's dark eyes were cold and calculating as she surveyed Anna with disturbing precision and casually asked, "What's your name?"

As the car floated like a feather up into the sky, the lights through the windows flickered, then turned bright as they popped above the clouds in one fluid movement. The two women stared at each other and assessed.

Anna was young and unspeakably beautiful despite the dirt that covered her body. She had flaming red hair that was carefully combed but unwashed. It flowed down her back in a thick mane and set off her startling eyes. She had eyes that were so huge and sparkling green that they would instantly draw the attention of everyone in a crowd. They seemed clear and pure even while the rest of her was grimy.

She was wearing little more than a skirt and a t-shirt, both torn and stained. Her shapely legs and feet were totally bare; even things as simple as shoes were hard to get where she lived. The t-shirt was tight fitting in places and torn loose in others, giving more than a hint that she had very large breasts but still leaving much to the imagination.

All while Jessica was evaluating this, Anna's mind was racing as she thought to herself, "Oh shit! She doesn't recognize me. Why should she? We've never actually met; I was fired from just a photograph. What on Earth is going on now? Is she coming to apologize?!"

That was far from what was on Jessica's mind at that moment. She sneered and wondered silently, "This piece of filth is so beautiful it makes me want to puke. Who the hell is she to look like that? She's no one. She's a piece of scum, a sewer rat. She damned well isn't more beautiful than I am, that's for sure."

Anna held out a hand across the car for a handshake and said nervously, "I'm Anna, Miss Kimura."

Reclining in her very soft leather seat, her body coated in the most expensive fabrics, Jessica just glared at the dirty fingers presented to her and said with a touch of disgust, "You know my name? I didn't think your kind had newspapers."

The 'your kind' comment made Anna's eyes widen in shock but she let it pass and only said, "Oh, I'm sure everyone knows Jessica Kimura, the richest woman in the world."

With a little smirk, Jessica nodded in agreement and conceded, "Yes, you are probably right," then brushed the matter aside and said with a completely professional manner, "But let's get down to business. Anna, I would like to look at your breasts."

Those amazing eyes went huge and it took Anna a moment to respond, but she finally managed to stammer, "What? What are you talking about?" while inside she was thinking, "What on earth have I gotten myself into? Is she crazy?!"

Dignified and careful laughter filled the car as Jessica slowly began to open the jacket of her snug black business suit. She smirked and said, "Oh, come on. It's not such a big thing. A pretty girl like you should be proud. Here, I'll show you how easy it is."

She had to fight hard not to wince as her flesh poured out of her jacket, her naked breasts touching the cool, purified air. They were hot and swollen, large, flawless spheres of womanly bosom that bounced freely on her chest and throbbed with the pressure of the harsh chemicals that flowed through their veins. Here nipples were very large and stiff; they had been getting larger over the years that chemicals put such a strain on the fragile systems of her bosom. In just the last few months her veins were starting to become darker and more noticeable on the smooth skin of her breasts; she knew that it was a sign that she was running out of time.

Those breasts were large and pumped full of chemicals that made them swell further. They seemed impossible on a woman so slim and they showed their great weight with every jiggle and sway of the twin orbs. Despite how slender her body was and her very narrow waist, it was clear that she had a serious layer of muscle on her feminine body because the belly that Anna noticed next was bulging with perfectly defined abs.

Jessica still looked 25, but she had centuries to sculpt her body and an endless supply of performance-enhancing drugs to make it easy. Her focus had always been on medicine, but a woman as obsessed with power as her could not forget about raw physical strength. In her limousine as she faced Anna, Jessica Kimura was at her peak and one of the strongest women in the world.

There was a proud smirk on her face and her dark eyes gleamed in pleasure as Anna's jaw dropped and a wicked thought came to Jessica: "I know just what I'll do. As soon as I've got her breasts, I'm going to smash her face with my bare hands then dump her back where I found her. That'll be perfect." She knew was more than strong enough to do it.

Anna suddenly looked away as she realized that she had been staring and she felt her cheeks growing hot. She held her hands in her lap and said awkwardly, "Oh...they're very nice, miss."

As Jessica's lips parted in a knowing grin and she laughed inwardly, she said pleasantly, "Now it is your turn."

Those shining green eyes bulged as they shot back to stare at Jessica in disbelief. Anna suddenly crossed her arms and frowned, then called out indignantly, "I am not taking off my shirt for you. I don't care how rich and powerful you are. Why should I?!"

There was no anger at the refusal, to Anna's surprise. Jessica simply kept on grinning confidently and gestured Anna closer. "Come over here and take a look at this."

Jessica turned her head over her shoulder and glanced out the window. Anna's eyes narrowed suspiciously and she moved reluctantly, but when her body was close to Jessica's, Anna gasped at what she saw.

Outside were the gleaming towers of the city shining in the bright daylight as if they were made of diamond as the dark clouds of the underworld flowed between them like the torrent of a mighty river. It had been so long since she had seen it that it took her breath away.

"Pretty impressive, isn't it?" asked Jessica pleasantly, "What do you think it would feel like to fall from up here? I'm sure you'd survive, but it would hurt badly. Maybe you'd end up with a limp. Is that what you want?"

Anna kept staring out at the city even as she felt the cold hand of fear grip her stomach and squeeze. She slowly stepped back from the window and made a point of not meeting Jessica's eyes, then as Anna sat down, she said softly, "I suppose I really have no choice, then."

"That's right," agreed Jessica with total calm and confidence as her eyes stroked the front of Anna's tight shirt probingly. Of course, the threat was completely empty; Anna would not find escape so easy.

With a deep breath, Anna pushed all her fear down into a tight ball in the pit of her stomach, then she pulled the hem of her shirt up and over her head in one smooth, fluid movement.

Jessica's eyes bulged and she had to bite her lip to keep from gasping out loud as flawless, round breasts bounced free. They were without a doubt the most startlingly beautiful and shapely breasts that Jessica would ever see and in that instant Anna's fate was sealed.

The rich woman felt an unexpected urging between her legs and her heart got faster as she stared, fixated on Anna's bosom. For so many years and with countless drugs, Jessica had played with her own breasts, using chemicals to reshape them to her ideal, her fantasy of perfection. She had made a body for herself that she was fiercely proud of, but Anna's breasts were those fantasies come to life, exact to every detail. There was no doubt; the search was over.

As Anna tugged her shirt off over her head, her long red hair flowed down over her bare shoulders and her huge green eyes opened to catch Jessica staring. Anna's sparkling emerald gaze hardened like ice and she glared, but Jessica would not stop staring at the newly naked breasts that bounced gently with every breath.

Finally, Anna spoke with cold steel in her voice, "Alright. So you've got what you wanted: two topless women in the back of your car. Now what the hell is this all about?"

That snapped Jessica out of her trance and she suddenly cleared her throat and a faint blush came into her pale cheeks as her eyes flicked up into Anna's withering glare. But Jessica just smirked and slid forward off her seat and onto her bare knees on the soft carpet floor, causing her throbbing, naked breasts to sway heavily on her chest as she said gently, "Come closer and I will tell you."

Jessica gestured for Anna to join her and the younger woman reluctantly complied so that they were standing on their knees facing each other, their two pairs of incredible, firm tits only inches apart.

"Well?" asked Anna impatiently as she took the moment to get a closer look at the breasts of the most valuable woman in the world. The young woman could not deny that there was some curiosity, these breasts were several centuries old and still firm. The city was filled with rumors about how Jessica had managed it, but there were no solid facts.

The piercing green eyes of the young woman darted downwards in small glances to the chemical-filled orbs of the businesswoman. Anna was trying not to let it seem she was staring, but her eyes lingered longer and longer each time. She swallowed hard as she saw how hot and swollen the flesh was and how big and stiff the nipples were, stuck like spikes out from the firm curves of Jessica's breasts. Anna could almost feel the heat coming off Jessica's skin and she quickly felt her own body growing hot against her will.

It was about then that Anna noticed the thin plastic tubes that were embedded in the sides of Jessica's breasts. They clung to the rich woman's ribs and disappeared back into the black suit that still hung from her shoulders. Two thin plastic passages were glowing blue against the soft skin as the chemical the flowed endlessly straight into her flesh.

"What...?" said Anna in confusion, but her question was cut off when she suddenly felt long, slender fingers wrapping around her own breasts. She had become so engrossed in Jessica's ancient tits that Anna hadn't even seen it coming.

There was a little cry of shock from Anna, but Jessica ignored it and grinned broadly as she gave both tits a firm squeeze. She relished the way the warm flesh bulged between her fingers as she tested the texture and firmness of the mammaries. She rolled the flesh between her fingers and tugged at it gently.

Anna grabbed Jessica's wrists and yanked as she struggled to pull away from those groping hands. The hands clung to her flesh for a long moment more and Jessica was almost drooling at the silky smooth feel of that amazing bosom. It was so young and full of life. She rubbed her thumbs into the nipples, so small, so hard, so pink and bouncy.

As the young woman finally fell back and her breasts sprang free, she struggled up into her chair and panted for breath, her cheeks bright red as she gaped at the bare-chested woman still kneeling on the floor. Anna cried out, "Bitch! What did you do that for?!" while her mind was racing and her heart was pounding. Silently she wondered, "What's going on here?! Is she crazy? Is she a lesbian? Oh shit! The great Jessica Kimura is a lesbian! Does she think I'm a prostitute or something?!"

She clenched her teeth and anger flooded her body, already throbbing and hot with excitement as she thought she might be mistaken for a prostitute, but Jessica said with a broad grin of pleasure, "Alright, I'll tell you."

Jessica slid back into her chair with smooth and casual movements, completely calm and satisfied even as her exposed breasts gently bounced and swayed. She had all she needed, the final decision had been made. The fate of both women was set in stone from that moment, though both of them would be very surprised by the form it would take.

With a soft sigh and a nod of approval, Jessica crossed her athletic legs in her black skirt and declared, "Anna, I would like to buy your breasts."

Anna's cheeks still burned as her eyes bulged and she brought her hands to her breasts to cover them and cling to them possessively. When she finished gaping at Jessica, Anna decided that Jessica really was insane and said in disbelief, "Buy my breasts?! What's the matter with you? I'm not some whore! You can keep your damned money!"

A smirk crossed the rich woman's soft lips and her gaze darkened as she leaned forward and lowered her voice, a menacing tone coming into it as she said firmly, "Let me be clear. I don't want you. I am only interested in your breasts, so I am going to have them surgically removed from your chest."

There was a long silence between the two women as Jessica amused herself by watching Anna's reaction. Anna's mouth moved a few times but no words came out. She stared into Jessica's black eyes and tried to believe that it was a joke, but it was all too believable. How else could Jessica's breasts look so good at her age? Still, Anna shook her head and stammered in shock, "What?! I...You...But...But that's impossible! You can't just take my breasts like that; it would ruin them! I'd be ruined!"

"Oh, it's perfectly possible. I've got surgeons all ready to transplant your breasts onto my chest," said Jessica in a cool and casual manner. Seeing Anna's silent gape, Jessica added, "Organ transplants have been going on for centuries, you know. What makes this any different? People were even able to transplant a heart as far back as the 20th century. For cutting edge technology, this will be easy."

Anna's heart was pounding so hard that she could hear it. Her beautiful green eyes darted around the sleek black inside of the car and the rolling landscape of clouds flowing past. She realized that she was trapped with this madwoman. Anna covered her breasts with her arms and stared back at Jessica, then said in a weak voice the she tried to make strong, "What's going to happen to me? Will I...?"

Jessica laughed lightly and rolls her head back on her shoulders, then grinned broadly to say, "Oh, you'll be fine. Don't worry about that. You can even have my old breasts to replace the ones you'll lose." It was a lie, but Jessica didn't care. She could even feel the dull ache in her breasts to remind her that her bosom was on borrowed time. Anna could never afford the chemical that Jessica used to keep her breasts full, and after all these years of constant dependence on it, Jessica's breasts would instantly and agonizingly wither away to nothing if they were ever completely cut off from drugs.

"Plus," added Jessica conspiratorially, "You'll have a huge load of money. How does a million dollars sound?"

Flustered and gaping again, Anna's eyes bulged in amazement. For a moment she had thought her breasts would be stolen and she would be thrown away broken and dying, now the new offer had changed everything. For Jessica, a million was a pleasant breakfast, but for Anna that money would be enough to live up in the city for at least a year. It would mean a new chance at life and Jessica knew it.

Seeing the stunning woman stunned, Jessica laughed lightly and reached into her jacket to pull out a pad of smooth black plastic. She flicked a finger tip at it and it lit up in her hand, a gently glowing screen appearing with the welcome message of one of the major banks. She waved it at Anna and said with an amused smirk, "I really think that is more than a fair trade, don't you? I've got an ATM right here; just give me your thumbprint and one million dollars is all yours, right now."

Jessica made sure to emphasize the amount. She new the effect money had on the filthy people down below the city; it turned them into dogs who would do anything. Jessica was hoping that the shock of what was mere change from Jessica's pocket would make everything go smoothly. And yet she wasn't really expecting it to work; she didn't believe any woman would give up her breasts for a mere million and certainly never breasts like Anna's.

It was all overwhelming for Anna. Only minutes ago she had no hope of anything but a life of misery and poverty, now she was suddenly back in the sky. Her fingers felt numb as she reached for the pad and she couldn't really feel the slick, hard plastic.

She didn't trust herself to speak, so she just pressed her thumb to the hand-sized device and then tapped a few commands onto the glowing screen with her fingertips. As she opened up an empty box of light as a portal for money into her account, her gaze drifted up from the screen to stare at Jessica's firm, round breasts.

"You...you're going to pay me a million dollars to trade breasts?" asked Anna finally, still full of disbelief. She passed the pad back to Jessica and added, "Because? Because my breasts are bigger than yours?"

It wasn't until Jessica was already tapping her password into the little black pad, sending the banks the authorization for the money transfer, that she realized what was being said. Then it was Jessica's turn to be surprised and she blinked up from what she was doing to stare at Anna. The little smirk of bemusement on Jessica's lips said it all, but she couldn't keep from making it perfectly clear, "What are you talking about? Your breasts are not bigger."

Anna wanted that money more than life itself, but she had grown intensely proud of her breasts during her time of poverty. In the scum of the underworld, she had lost everything, even her pretty face had been covered in dirt, but she still had her breasts and the effect they had on people. At times it had been her only source of pleasure. So now, still a little dazed, she giggled and arched her body forward, sticking out her naked chest, then said with a grin, "They clearly are."

Jessica slowly frowned and her hatred of the dirty woman suddenly surged hot and boiled inside. Glaring down at those proudly displayed breasts, it only made Jessica's anger burn hotter as she realized that Anna was right.

With a quick flick of her wrist, Jessica threw the pad into Anna's lap so hard that it hurt, then snapped, "There, you've got your money. See for yourself. Now your great big tits are mine!"

Anna clenched her teeth in sudden anger and rubbed her belly where the corner of the pad had hit, but the pain instantly faded away as she saw "$1,000,000" in big, white, glowing symbols listed under her name. It was a completed transfer; the money was now officially hers and her life would never be the same again.

She barely heard that Jessica was still talking. "Keep the ATM, I'm sure you'll need it now that your a millionaire." Jessica's voice was filled with quite loathing. "But first, I'm going to show you something," as she rose up from her seat and suddenly stripped her black jacket off entirely, revealing all the smooth, creamy skin on her upper body. She was pale and flawless and sculpted with muscle and that sight finally dragged Anna's big green eyes away from her new fortune to stare at those breasts.

While Anna's body was all slim, soft lines of smooth, dirty flesh, she was amazed by how defined Jessica's body seemed, with each muscle standing out against the perfect skin. But that wasn't what Anna was looking at.

Clear plastic tubes filled with pulsating, glowing blue fluid were snaked along Jessica's ribs and then sunk straight into each of her breasts. Now Anna could see that the other ends of the tubes came together in a discreet black control box that was clipped to Jessica's skirt. Anna stared at that amazing body and the strange hardware in awe and it was almost enough to make her forget the money.

"What are those?" she asked in a weak voice, raising a finger to point at Jessica's breasts.

"So, you're pretty pleased with those cow udders of yours, aren't you?" said Jessica as if Anna hadn't spoke. Jessica's hand came to her belt in a casually gesture and she began pressing buttons while she said, "You think because your breasts are larger than mine, you are better?" then with a smirk she added, "A filthy piece of scum like you can never be better than me."

Still pointing, Anna's eyes suddenly bulged as they stared down her finger to Jessica's swelling mammaries. They were pulsating, getting hot and red, the veins bulging as the breasts grew larger with each beat of the powerful woman's heart. It was an unbelievable sight and Anna's hand fell limply down as she shook her head in disbelief and whispered, "What the hell is going on here?!"

Jessica clenched her teeth together and groaned. She suddenly clutched her breast between the long, slender fingers of one hand and felt her flesh burning hot and aching, growing and quivering as if trying to hold back a mighty pressure from deep within. A soft scream came muffled from between her teeth and she was forced to bend over for a moment as the pain overwhelmed her. She was doing her best not to show her weakness, but this seemed to hurt more each time she tried it.

At this level of chemical flow she could only last for 15 minutes at most. Her doctors had shown her computer simulations that had made her knees weak. She had seen perfectly rendered computer images of her own breasts swollen to gigantic size and then suddenly splitting apart and disintegrating into piles of trembling blue slime. She couldn't imagine anything more agonizing than having her breasts destroyed from the inside while she watched, but the hospital was only a few minutes away and soon it wouldn't matter.

When she returned to her seat there was a thin layer of sweat gleaming off of her firm skin and her breasts were jutting out from her body and jiggling. Her nipples were darkened and rock hard, bouncing a little with her pulse. It was clear that these breasts were extraordinarily firm and strained far beyond what a woman's flesh could normally withstand.

She smirked through the throbbing pain in her bosom and said proudly, "Now who's bigger?"

Both women could see clearly that Jessica had deformed her breasts into huge orbs of burning flesh, far bigger than Anna's merely natural breasts, but Anna was not going to admit it.

"What...what have you done?!" she gasped, "Your breasts; They're so...!"

"Impressive, aren't they?" said Jessica with a laugh and looked down at her own breasts with pleasure. She cupped one of the aching orbs and tenderly squeezed it between her fingers, probing the texture of her enhanced bosom, but she felt a sudden pain from deep inside so she quickly stopped.

Anna gaped at the bulging flesh between Jessica's fingers and then shook her head and said quickly, "No! They're red and swollen! You're some kind of a freak!" gesturing frantically at Jessica's chest, "There is no way I'm giving up my breasts for those. The deal is off!" Anna's heart was pounding and fear was rushing through her body, still in shock. She was afraid of losing the money, but it was hers and she told herself there was nothing anyone could do to take it away now. Even more she was afraid of losing her fantastic breasts and she would even risk the wrath of the richest woman in the world to protect them.

Jessica smirked and let her breast drop. She felt an ache as her immense tits swayed and bounced against each other, but she didn't show it. She said with total confidence and calm, "Don't be a fool. Do you really think you have a choice? We are already on our way to the hospital, there is an operating room waiting for us. The doctors won't care what you have to say; I pay them far too much for that. In minutes you'll be drugged and when you wake up, your breasts will be on my chest. There is nothing you can do to stop it." She laid her arms out along the headrests of the seats beside her and thrust her unbelievable bosom forward as she grinned at Anna's reaction.

The young woman shook her head frantically and cried, "No!! You can't do that! Please, tell me this isn't happening!" as her small hands came up again to clutch her big breasts, letting the little black pad that had once been so important fall to the floor.

A loud laugh filled the car and Jessica rolled her head back as her throbbing breasts quivered with her heaving chest, then she said through her laughter, "Oh, I can and it is! No one is going to care about a filthy pig from the underworld, especially not once she is a freak with no breasts. Oh, that's right; I lied about that. And when this is over, I'm going to dump you back in the gutter where I found you. What will you spend your money on then? More dirt and rags?"

It was then that the gleaming, endless green eyes of the beautiful woman began to pool with her tears. She hugged her breasts in her hands and shook her head again, trying to clear the tears away as she trembled in fear. She felt like her heart would burst from her chest and her hands squeezed tighter and tighter until it hurt, then she felt wetness on her cheeks as her tears poured out.

Anna did not sob; she would not cry out the fear she felt because she knew how much Jessica would enjoy that. As all her emotions raged inside her, Anna suddenly felt her face flush as her anger boiled to the surface and an uncontrollable shudder shot through her body.

In one instant, she lifted her knees to her chest and kicked both feet straight into Jessica's outthrust breasts. Anna felt her bare heels sink in deeply into the flesh. As firm as Jessica was, the feeling of crushing those breasts was very satisfying.

Jessica howled and crumpled. She fell from her soft leather seat and the car filled with an inhuman screech of agony as she rolled around on the floor clutching her breasts. Her flesh felt like it was on fire with a thousand white-hot needles stabbing her from the inside. She writhed and bucked as her own tears began to flow and she screamed again and again.

There was a moment of shock in Anna's face at the reaction. She had expected the kick to hurt in a really bad way, but Jessica was acting like she was dying. Suddenly, Anna didn't care. In her fury, she wanted to see Jessica dead and the sooner the better.

Anna's heel pounded down on Jessica again, this time slamming into her belly with all of Anna's might. But the heel just bounced off of rock hard abs and Anna felt like she was kicking a wall. She grunted in frustration as she saw that the kick didn't affect Jessica at all.

There was another kick, and then another, but Anna could tell she wasn't even making bruises, so she screamed in fury and bent down over the sobbing rich-woman and grabbed her hair with one hand, yanking her face up and then lashing out at with a hand curled into claws. Anna bared her teeth in a broad grin of satisfaction as she felt her nails slash scratches across Jessica's cheeks, but then the world suddenly crumpled around her.

Lights flashed before her eyes as her soft body was wracked with pain, an agony beyond anything she had ever felt or would ever feel again. It shot through her body like a bolt of lightning and turned her every nerve to flame. Jessica had landed just a single punch deep into Anna's belly, but it hit like a sledgehammer and sent the slender little woman flying.

Before she knew what had happened, she had slammed into the luxurious soft couch at the tail-end of the limousine so hard that the flying car rocked in the air. She was dazed and the world was spinning all around her. She blinked her eyes but couldn't see straight as she sprawled out across the cushions, then suddenly she felt the full effect of the blow to her guts and all her strength flowed straight out of her body, replaced by wave after wave of sickness.

She still didn't understand what was happening to her when she fell to her knees, desperately clutching her belly. She bent over and sobbed in pain so that her huge breasts dangled from her body and swayed heavily on her chest, dragging her down by their weight.

Jessica was already moving. Her breasts were twin globes of agony and every bounce was like a knife being twisted deep in her flesh, but she fought through it. She brought a hand to her face and felt the blood there, then screamed in fury. She snatched Anna under the armpit and lifted her half-naked body and roared as she swung Anna around like a rag doll.

The prone girl was let out a cry of confusion as she was hauled off the floor and flung around the car. Jessica slammed the slender body against the seats, the roof, and the floor of the car as if Anna were weightless. Battered against every available surface, she grunted and tears flew from her eyes, but she was too numb to feel pain and the car was too well padded to do damage.

Finally Jessica screamed in frustration and hurled Anna down to the floor, causing the car to bounce and swerve as Anna arched her back at the impact, her breasts bouncing in the air as she moaned and shook her head to try to clear it. Then Jessica was suddenly atop the young woman, straddling her hips and snarling, "You fucking bitch! Let's see how you like it!"

Anna sobbed and screamed a pain cut through the haze of her mind and she flung out her hands weakly to try to protect herself, but the punches kept coming. They slammed into her precious breasts, smashing the delicate tissues and turning her beautiful mammaries as red and swollen as Jessica's. Jessica gripped one of those breasts and began to squeeze, her fingers digging in deep as her hand clenched harder and harder, squishing tender flesh like paste.

"No!!" sobbed Anna as tears poured freely from her sparkling eyes, "Please, not my breasts! You can't have them!" her voice quavering with pain and desperate. It suddenly brought Jessica's mind back to reality from the storm of hatred that raged within. She remembered why she was here and what she was doing.

She could have easily crushed the fragile organ into a useless pulp, but now she held back and satisfied herself with just severely bruising it. She would just have to deal with that when these breasts became hers. Painkillers can work wonders.

Jessica laughed as she cruelly kneaded the bosom of the writhing young woman and said with a smirk, "Did you think you could beat me? You filthy piece of trash, you are nothing! When I'm done with your tits, I'm going to break every bone in your body, just because I can."

Despair gripped Anna's heart and she started the cry like a little girl as her life spiralled down before her eyes. She thought that Jessica had taken everything once, now this woman with the power of a goddess was going to take all that was left.

Anna's weak and numb fingers fumbled over Jessica's powerful body, grabbing at the muscular thighs through the short business-skirt. Suddenly, Anna's hands came to the little control device on Jessica's belt and in the haze of unbearable pain, Anna started pushing buttons.

Jessica kept squeezing and mauling those beautiful breasts, completely unaware of what was being done to her. She was grinning and licked her lips in pleasure at every bit of pain she sent into the ravaged flesh, trying to make Anna feel even a little of the agony that Jessica's had felt. The powerful woman wanted so badly to claw her nails across that those expanses of soft skin, but she could not afford to leave scars.

Then she groaned in pain and she felt the ache in her chest get suddenly worse. She grit her teeth and stared down in confusion at the limp and sobbing woman between her legs. It seemed as if Anna had not done anything, but it felt as if Jessica had just been jabbed in both breasts.

She looked down at her own impossibly firm and uplifted bosom, it's flesh swollen and aching and then gasped and her eyes bulged in horror as she saw the plastic tubes blazing bright blue and flooded with chemicals. Her hands shot to the controls at her hip and she let out a panicked cry, "No! What have you done?!" The flow of chemicals had been turned up as far as it would go.

She fumbled with the controls, but before she could do anything, there was a wave of blinding agony that slammed into her breasts and sent her sprawling to her back. It was as if she had been kicked again, but it was only the drug burning into her, forcing her breasts to swell and slowly destroying them, tearing them to pieces from the inside.

She clutched both of her breasts and wailed like a banshee. She could feel her veins bulging from her once smooth skin and pulsating against her fingers, her flesh was covered in sweat and she could feel her delicate tissue pulling apart at the seams as she began to sob. She felt tears flowing down her cheeks and she wept like she hadn't in centuries.

After several moments of Jessica squirming and kicking on the floor, the once powerful woman rendered useless by her throbbing chest, Anna slowly pulled herself up and moaned pitifully. The young woman rubbed her damaged breasts gently and tried to massage away the ache, then her eyes slowly came into focus and she saw what was happening to her hated rival.

Jessica could barely think with the pain that was pounding into her with her every heartbeat. It was like her breasts were being torn from her chest with her every breath. She felt her skin growing tighter and tighter around her bulging mammaries.

She knew that she hand to press the buttons to adjust the flow of chemical, and she reached to fumble with the controls, but suddenly a new pain sunk into her breast. It was Anna's fingers. The young woman with big green eyes filled with tears had latched a hand around the huge, chemical-filled mound and her nails were cutting into the skin as her palm ground against the rock-hard nipple.

"No! Please...Please help me!" stammered Jessica after a shriek of pain, her breath ragged and desperate, "You've got to...the controls...It's too much! Oh, my fucking tits!" She said it with hatred in her voice but not for Anna. In Jessica's agony clouded mind, she hated the breasts which were giving her such suffering.

Tears still rolled down from Anna's reddened eyes as purple bruises began to bulge from her perfect bosom. Even as she cried, her face was set in anger and she leaned down close, then said firmly, "You bitch! You are going to pay for everything that you've done to me, then just maybe I'll help you."

She snatched Jessica's hand away from the controls by the wrist. The once powerful woman could barely see through the wave after wave of pain that flooded her body. She could feel her thumb being jammed against smooth, warm plastic, then the glowing display of the black computer pad was pushed in her face and word, "Password," was barked as an order.

The image of the glowing device was blurry in he eyes, but she had just enough strength left to refuse. She slapped it away and snarled, "Fuck you," but then her words turned into a wail of horror as Anna's fingers sunk deep into a throbbing breast.

Anna grinned broadly in satisfaction as she felt the breast give way. It was like sinking her fingers into pudding as her nails sliced deep and strange blue fluid leaked out instead of blood, flowing across Jessica's chest.

Shrieks of horror filled the car as Jessica clutched at the wounded breast, trying to yank Anna free of it, but there was no strength left in that mighty body and she couldn't do anything but struggle and sob, "My tit! Oh no! Oh you bitch!" her words trembling and weak as blue slime dribbles out of her wounded chest.

It felt like Anna's soft fingers had turned into razor sharp daggers and were cruelly slicing that ravaged flesh to pieces. She grabbed at her own breast and Anna's wrist, doing everything she could to pull that hand away and keep it from destroying her bosom any further, but all she could do was fumble with it. Her mind was flooded with pain so that she couldn't think. She balled a fist and then slammed it into the floor in mindless fury, denting the soft carpet and the metal beneath it with a single spasm of her muscular arm.

When the pad was present to Jessica again, she quickly punched in her password with numb fingers and moans weakly, "Oh please, please help me! I can't take any more!" her voice strained like the pulsating flesh of her bosom, her veins standing out so hard that they seem ready to burst.

There was a little laugh from somewhere in the world beyond Jessica's breasts, but she couldn't remember where she was or who could be laughing while she suffering so horribly. All she could think of was the throbbing of her bosom and the stabbing pain of her flesh swelling to the breaking point. She couldn't scream anymore and tears flowed from her eyes like a river as she silently begged that she would pass out from the pain, but no matter how badly it hurt, she was forced to live through it by the cocktail of stimulants that she took every morning.

Anna stared in amazement at the quivering wreck that the great and powerful woman had become. Her half-naked body was shaking and useless despite all of its carefully sculpted muscles. A woman strong enough to have torn Anna limb-from-limb had been destroyed by something as simple as vanity for attractive breasts. Anna would have laughed harder at that thought, but she felt another ache in her own breasts just then and grimaced as she realized that she was no better.

She slowly and gently massaged her breast with one hand while the other held the gleaming black pad. She eased the pain of her black and blue flesh as her thumb poked through Jessica's accounts. Anna wondered how long it would take her breasts to heal as her green eyes shimmered with the glow of the numbers that scrolled by and she saw something amazing.

"Oh wow," she said breathily, "Kimura, you've got everything here! That one password just gave me access to your whole damned life!" Her eyes widened as she realized this little piece of sleek black plastic had just become worth more money that she had ever dreamed of. Her sore breast fell from her hand forgotten and with trembling fingers, she began to tap transfer commands.

The pounding in Jessica's head began to fade slowly as the pain drained out of her body. She moaned pitiful and breathed a small sigh of relief with her eyes closed. She shivered as the pain drained from her firm orbs and she slowly regained her focus and peered around.

The first thing she saw was Anna sitting with her legs crossed and her heavily bruised breasts still naked. She was laughing and those wounded mammaries were jiggling wildly. Perhaps some of their firmness has been crushed out of them, thought Jessica with a little smile. She slowly pushed herself up to her elbows and winced at the sudden sharp pain that her shifting breasts gave her.

She glanced down at her breasts briefly, still awash in the immense relief that so much of her pain had left her body. It wasn't until moments after the glance that she realized what she had seen and felt a sudden surge or revulsion twist at her guts. She let out a pained moan and very slowly look down again.

Her breasts had not returned to normal, they were worse than ever. Her veins were pulsating along her swollen bosom like a dozen fleshy snakes feeding off her nipples. All over her incredibly large bosom, her flesh had turned blue and purple. As she fought back her sickness and slowly raised her hands to her chest, she felt the weight of her breasts in her palms and cried out. They each felt like 10 pounds of dead flesh, almost completely numb to the touch. Her left breast was leaking steady streams of gleaming blue slime from its five deep wounds.

She sobbed just once in horror and fought back her urge to vomit as her hand instantly went to the little black box that controlled the flow of chemicals from her hip. She had regained the use of her hands and she quickly pushed the buttons needed to cut back the flow to safe levels. She felt tears flow down her cheeks as she begged for it to not be too late.

"Oh, hi, Jessica," came a light and pleasant voice, "You don't mind if I call you that, do you? I don't think that is going to work."

Jessica threw a dark look at Anna, then frowned at the way the filthy girl kept grinning so foolishly. Finding the little control box again, Jessica unclipped it from her belt and held it to look at the little LCD display to verify that everything was as it should be. The front panel of the shiny little plastic device was cracked right through the middle and the display was completely dead.

She started stabbing buttons frantically and she shook her head in horror as she cried out, "No!! This can't be! What have you done?!" Her gaze shifted up to the glowing blue tubes. She was shocked to find that the flow of chemicals into her breasts was as strong as ever. Every moment could mean the difference between saving her breasts and losing them, but no matter how hard she jabbed the buttons nothing happened.

"Sorry about that, Jessica. I can see you really don't need bad news right now, but while you were asleep I emptied your bank account into mine and sold all your investments to me for $1 each." Anna did all she could to keep from laughing, mostly because her breasts were still quite sore.

"But..." stammered Jessica as her jaw dropped, "But that's impossible!"

"Oh, it's quite possible. You didn't think it was impossible to take all that mattered to me, did you? Now I've taken everything important to you, your money, your company, everything. You are bankrupt, Jessica."

The dark eyes of Jessica Kimura grew larger and larger and her burdensome breasts bounce as her breaths got fast and ragged. She looked about to hyperventilate, when she suddenly leapt to her feet and lunged for Anna's neck with hands curled into claws. "I'll kill you!"

Anna was expecting it and simply raised her bare foot up to Jessica's chest and let it sink into one inhumanly huge boob. Jessica's hands quivered in the air for a moment, clawing desperately for Anna's face, but then fell back as Jessica let out a loud sob of pain and despair. She fell to the floor and clutched her dying breasts as she whimpered, "You bitch. You fucking bitch! My money!"

"All mine, now, that's right," said Anna with a little giggle as she looked down on the crumpled Jessica, "Since you've repaid me so well for all that you've done to me, I thought it was only fair to help you with whatever's going on with your tits. I couldn't figure out what the buttons did, so I just tried to smash the thing, but that seems to have made things worse."

Jessica squeezed her eyes shut and hugged her huge breasts, but she couldn't get her arms around them anymore. She moaned and sobbed, then clenched her jaw and said in desperate little cries, "No! This can't be happening! It wasn't supposed to be like this! Never for me!"

She suddenly cried out in pain as her long black hair was yanked hard and she staggered to her feet, her unsupported breasts bouncing painfully as her eyes flashed open wide. She was dragged kicking to the door of the limousine by a fistful of silky hair.

She gaped and grabbed for Anna's writs and hollered in pain as Anna laughed and said, "Oh, it's happening! Wake up and smell the pollution." Then Jessica squinted as the bright light of day flooded into the limousine through an open door, the chilled air above the smog-clouds biting at her mangled breasts as she was suddenly thrust through the door and out of the car.

She didn't make a sound. She was too shocked to speak as she fell. She flailed her arms and legs and at the last moment she caught hold of the bottom of the car door. She yelped as she felt a jolt of pain shoot through her shoulder at the sudden stop, then she dangled from the car as it flew along, her long hair waving in the wind.

Usually she could have lifted ten times her own weight, but now she was having trouble just clinging to the warm, vibrating metal. She flailed a few more times and got her other hand up and clutching the car, but it felt like her huge breasts were dragging her down, a tremendous weight on her chest.

She grit her teeth and groaned with the effort as she tried to pull herself up, her clear, elegant eyes glancing up into the car as she struggled. Anna was standing there frowning and glaring back down. The young woman braced herself with both hands inside the car as she leaned out into the harsh wind and her breasts bounced and bobbed in the flow of cool air.

A bare foot came down and cracked into Jessica's beautiful face. There was a satisfying crunch as Jessica's nose was broken, then she disappeared. She fell away from the car and into the clouds so fast and so suddenly that it was as if she had never been there at all.

The world rushed past her in a blur and she couldn't tell which way was up as she plummeted. She cried out once in fear, then she crashed to the earth in a heap of garbage.

She lay there in shock for several minutes as her heart slammed into her ribs and she tried to catch her breath. She had landed with her ass buried deep in the filth and her arms and legs splayed out. Her dark eyes stared up at the dark and swirling clouds and for a long peaceful moment she forgot all her pain and was just happy to be alive.

Finally, her hands clawed at the waste and she looked around. She shuddered in disgust as she felt rotten food against her smooth, clean skin and she suddenly thrust herself up, scrambling to her feet and knocking bits of garbage everywhere with her flailing arms.

As she was panting for breath and struggling to balance herself on the pile, she moaned and felt little stings all over her body. The pain was so slight compared to everything that she almost missed it, but when she looked down at herself she saw that she had been cut along her arms, then she cried out and clutched her breast as she saw a long, bleeding cut near her bulbous, dark nipple. She felt the blue slime leaking between her fingers as she realized that all around her she was seeing the sparkle of jagged, broken glass mixed in with the filth.

She groaned pitifully and slowly and carefully began picking her way down the little mountain of garbage, very grateful that despite her near-nakedness she was still wearing her shoes.

The slime kept leaking from her breast no matter how she tried to stop it. It flowed down her abs in a glowing river. She suddenly realized that with the chemicals being pumped into her at full speed, she would run completely dry in less than an hour. She cursed under her breath and started to move faster; she didn't know if her breasts could be saved, but she was sure if she ran out of her drugs in this hellhole it would be the end.

And then a bit of rotten meat gave way under her foot and she wobbled. She spun her arms around to catch her balance, but her huge breasts dragged her forward. She barely had time to scream as she saw a bed of razor sharp spikes of jagged glass rushing up towards her.

A pained roar echoed all through the dark and desolate underworld as if from some dying beast. There was such agony in it that it would give the children nightmares for weeks. It started just as a hundred blades simultaneously skewered Jessica's breasts, ripping the once proud flesh to chunks of dripping meat. It stopped nearly 10 minutes later.

She roared again as she emerged from the trash like some kind of hideous monster. Her face was smashed and her breasts were nothing but a shimmering ruin of moist flesh and slime across her chest and down her belly and soaked into her skirt. Her breasts had literally exploded splattering her gooey flesh everywhere and leaving two empty, dangling bags of shredded skin and quivering veins to slap against her belly as she walked.

The slime splattered onto the ancient and cracked pavement of the road that had not been used in ages as she fell to her knees and slammed her fist against the ground. She brough her other hand up and held the remains of a breast, the blue fluid dribbling out of her fingers. It wasn't even enough to fill her hand. Her tears splatter to the ground by her fist as she cried in misery, "Oh no! My breasts! She's dead! She's fucking dead!!"

It was a few minutes later that Jessica Kimura realized that she had left her portable telephone in her jacket in her car where she had flung it away so carelessly to show off her body. It was a few days later that she realized that no one was going to come to rescue her and she had no way of contacting anyone in the city above. By that time, she was very dirty indeed.

chained rose
11-07-2006, 07:07 AM
Well written, but not my cup of tea content wise. Sort of a buzzkill.

Scorpio8
11-07-2006, 07:54 AM
As in your earlier work, no skimping on the details in
this new addition.

Your stories show imagination and the ability to think
beyond the box which in itself can go a long way to
striking chords within many readers in many ways.

How about giving something a try here.
We've currently got a story contest underway called
Winter Wonderland.

Any stories that contain elements of cold weather, snow,
ice, sleet, and trying to find ways to keep warm sexually.
The deadline for submissions runs until the end of this month.

Perhaps you could come up with a story that includes some
of these elements along with some of the themes you've
shown in your work posted on the site.

Might be fun for you as well as a new avenue of exploration.
Just a thought.

Thanks for sharing your latest story.

Semigloss
11-07-2006, 11:51 AM
I had a feeling that this story wouldn't go over well here. It's a strange sort of thing that seems to fall into the category of too sexually explicit for most places and yet not sexual enough to be called erotic.

When I get a crazy idea, sometimes I just can't keep it to myself, it seems. I don't think I'll submit this one to the main story page. Next time I post a story of questionable sexual content I'll put a little warning at the top, kind-of like I did this time.

And...I do have a crazy idea for a Winter Wonderland story, but I'm not great at writing under pressure of time. . . . but I'll give it a shot. I never know how long the story will turn out to be, but this one should be relatively short, making it doable. And it will be the first story that I have written especially for these forums, so I will make it free of violence, (despite how much I like violence).

chained rose
11-07-2006, 11:56 AM
The violence is not the problem for me. Nor is a lack of explicit sexual activity. With all due respect to artistic vision, i could get more into the stories if the females in question were made a bit more that life support/transportation systems for a pair of beautiful, abundant breasts. A bit of descriptive prose about a character does not make them distinct and individual. Every line of dialogue, every thing they do should give the reader more information about that character. Don't tell us, show us.

Just my tuppence, your mileage may vary.

rose

Semigloss
11-07-2006, 12:31 PM
Okay! Now I think I'm getting a better sense of what's going wrong with this story. Thanks Rose! Your skill as a teacher is surely a wonderful asset to this forum and this site.

So let me explain my perspective so that you can better understand my thinking as I wrote this story. The last thing I wanted was for the characters to be 'flat'. Their conflict against each other is supposed to be the entire source of amusement of the story, so once you don't care enough about the characters to be even mildly curious about what will happen to them, the story is a complete disaster.

As embarrassing as it seems now to admit it, I was actually trying to get the reader interested in their personalities. I spent a lot of time in the heads of each character and their private thoughts for exactly that reason. I am guessing that you consider private thoughts to be little more than part of that descriptive prose you were talking about.

The story doesn't have a lot of actions on which to judge these characters. Unfortunately, what few actions it does have tend to make them look quite similar. Anything done by either is effectively done by both, making them look the same in that way. Of course, if they seem like identical characters then the the story automatically fails because the reader is not interested in who wins.

I was hoping to have the characters well developed before the fighting started. That was the purpose of the rather long build-up and conversation in the beginning.

Is this a problem that you have seen in all of my stories, or mostly just this one? Can you point out a moment in any of my stories that you consider especially character building? I am serious that this story was intended to be character-driven, so I'm sure you can tell that I need help in that area!

chained rose
11-07-2006, 12:51 PM
In the first one you posted, with the Queen of Koratiki, the characters were well developed. Because the queen had other facets to her personality, she was a ruler. Her breasts are important because it is culturally important. She had united the tribes.

In your posting regarding the beauty contest, the lead females have two characteristics: money and boobs (the money leading to the bitchy part). Their dialogue was almost completely interchangable. Honestly it seemed a bit of fluff and i think you are capable of much better work.

In this one, Fair Trade, yes you get into some private thoughts. But private thoughts about breasts are still about breasts. i guess i mean that it is hard to suspend my disbelief for a character that is only focused on her breasts.

At least give us a reason for this obsession. The kind of reason that the queen had. Is it low self-esteem, does she feel noone will respect her with magnificent breasts. Motivation -- there that is the word i was looking for. Make me understand why keeping perfect breasts is so important to Jessica.

rose

Semigloss
11-07-2006, 01:47 PM
Yes, I see what you mean. Thanks again, you have given me a great deal to think about. (And when I think, I write, so here is the great deal that I wrote while I was thinking).

I suspect that character is my biggest weakness as an author. I'm not actually an artsy person. I've got to school, but it was all science and mathematics. When I have artistic thoughts, it is mostly visual, I think.

Compared to creating character, just describing what people and things look like is trivial. At least with description I can easily see if it is done. I can never really know if I've given someone a clear character, because it requires more than descriptive prose to build a character: it takes subtlety which I have yet to master.

I have a third Wicked Paradise story that I am thinking of posting. I thought it needed tons of polish; that's why I haven't posted it already. Now I wonder if it has even bigger problems than I thought! The story has three characters and they are just about as different from each other as I can manage, which makes me very curious about your opinion on the story. On the other hand, the breast focus is still there.

Regarding giving reasons for obsession with breasts, I think there was some reason given in both stories. Jessica just wanted to fight off the aging process and as it happened that made her focus on her breasts. I never guessed that not wanting to go through centuries of life with deteriorating breasts would need more explanation. Anna was not obsessed with breasts at all, she just wanted to get her life back. Alice and Sadie had the same sort of relationship, I think: Alice was not obsessed with breasts, she wanted to ignore her breasts if the rest of the world would let her. Sadie had her reason for being obsessed with breasts: Alice. Alice was winning the contest and Sadie decided that it was because of the big breasts, so Sadie wasn't interested in her own breasts, only Alice's and only for one (or perhaps two) very specific reason.

All of this was given in the stories, but I do see what you are getting at. I centered all three of these stories around breasts because it was fun to do so, but the stories became too focused. I need to step back and give my characters more mundane lives so that the readers will care about them. That was the reason that you liked the first Wicked Paradise so much more than these two later stories: In Wicked Paradise the two characters in conflict had friends who cared about them.

No one cares about some crazy, violent, sex-obsessed (or breast-obsessed) lunatic. Your heart absolutely does not automatically go out to someone like that, that would be crazy. Therefore, those characters get absolutely zero sympathy.

However, no matter how nasty a character is, it changes everything if you see that the character has friends or an emotional bond of any sort with another person. The emotions of a character for his or herself are next-to-worthless, but the emotions that a character has for another character are priceless. If no one in the story cares about what happens to a character, then the reader is not going to care either.

I have noticed this myself on numerous occasions, but until now I did not realize how it applied to the stories I had written. People often die in the stories I read, and sometimes it hits me on an emotional level and sometimes it doesn't. I long ago recognized in myself that I get an negative emotional hit from a character death if and only if there is someone who will grieve for that character. (And the size of the hit is only dependent upon the grief. I get the exact same emotional hit over the death of a pet, and it's not because of the pet but because of the grieving pet owner.)

Since you did not point out this weakness in Wicked Paradise 2, I conclude that this problem was more acute in Fair Trade and I think I know why. While I had only two characters in Wicked Paradise 2, I gave them an emotional connection between each other and that gives their fighting some slight tragic aspect. On the other hand, in Fair Trade there was no such thing. The only emotions that anyone feels in this story were entirely selfish, and now I think that was a grave mistake.

I could have broadened Fair Trade, pushed out the edges so that it starts earlier and ends later so that we get to see more about the lives of the two main characters and the people that they know and care about. I probably should have, but I thought that the story was long enough as it is and surely it was better to focus on the sexy part than weigh it down in 'excess baggage' as I thought of it. Fair Trade already has what feels to me to be a long build-up before the real action starts, but if I am right then there is no option but to expand the story or dispense with it entirely.

Am I right or wrong about this?

chained rose
11-07-2006, 02:01 PM
expanding a bit would be helpful. Key point to remember, for any work, sexy isn't sexy when it is happening to a two dimensional cardboard character. And yet another key point, you know what it is you want to get across, so of course it seems obvious when you read it and proofread it. Others, not involved in the process, may not find it so clear.

Semigloss
11-07-2006, 02:32 PM
That advice was a bit of a let-down. It makes it sound as if I was trying to make two-dimensional cardboard characters. Of course, if that were the case it would be very important that someone gives me the critical advice: cardboard character's aren't good!

Unfortunately, my situation is a bit more serious than that. I have never desired cardboard characters for a story. I deliberately gave the reader access to the characters thoughts and described their feelings in an attempt to bring the reader closer to the characters and to make the characters seem more alive. What I am wrestling with is: Why didn't it work?

I've got this theory that for a character to be non-flat, the character needs at least one non-hostile relationship with some other character, even if there is also a hostile relationship with the same character. Surely you of all the people who post on this forum can tell me if my idea has any merit or if I should explore other possibilities for building depth.

chained rose
11-07-2006, 04:49 PM
Relationships are a good place to start. Jessica in your story not only has no non-hostile relationships, she has no relationships at all. A hired driver and a young woman whose woman whose breasts she wants to buy non withstanding. Jessica is theoretically able to live forever, thanks to owning a pharmaceutical empire, but what have you given her to live for. Other than perfect breasts. That is literally the only relationship we know about this woman -- the one she has with her chemically enhanced breasts.

Believe it or not, a large number of women go for days at a time with no thought for their breasts at all, other than the fleeting thought that they are in the way or "Jeez, i wish that guy would stop having a conversation with my chest."

Semigloss
11-07-2006, 09:59 PM
Yeah, that's perfectly true. It's just as true that people go for days without thinking about sex. In fact, for any given topic, most people go most of their lives not thinking about it.

But should I write a story about what people think about most of the time, or is it more fun to write about unusual situations?

I am still not entirely certain of what I did wrong. Suppose the events of the story did happen, or will happen, and it is my job to merely relate them. How could I have done it better? The entire story is basically a brief car ride, without much place for relationships with other people. Surely both women know people and have lives outside the car, and if I could see a way to work those people into the story then I would, but it is difficult since they have no actual role to play in the meat of the story.

I think you are right about Jessica. She's not a nice person and I seriously doubt that she has any friends. I should have started the story with a quiet scene depicting the loneliness of power. And for Anna, I should have done more than just mentioned the dirt and grime of her world, I should have given details of a few moments from her life as an extended introduction to the story.

But after all of that introduction, the rest of the story would progress largely unmodified. The reason I did not put that extended introduction into the story was simply that I needed to draw the boundaries of the story somewhere, and I wanted to get to the action. This is the famour way in which a short story is more difficult to write than a novel, because you have to squeeze everything that you need into a short space and that can force difficult decisions. The decision was not whether to have flat characters or deep characters; it was whether or not more information about their lives was necessary to make them deep characters. I did not think it was needed, but now I wonder. I wonder if more information would have made the story great, or if no amount of lengthening could even make the story good.

You can bet that your advice will greatly affect every piece of writing that comes from my keyboard for the rest of my life. I really appreciate it. The feedback on this forum is far far better than the previous place I posted these stories too. You are actually helpful!

If I have any writing ability at all it is merely that I can picture something happening in my head and then plop it down on the page in words. I especially like going for the visual stuff. I've written enough words to consider myself a little more than a novice at that, but when it comes to deciding what should happen in a story, I haven't written nearly enough or gotten enough quality feedback to be anything more than completely green. Specifically, I am much better at deciding when a person's appearance has been fully described than I am at deciding when a person's personality has been fully described, or even how to describe such a thing.

I still have some stories that I wrote previously to post. They came before your advice and so I am looking back at them with a fresh sense of the importance of careful characterization. I did not realize how great the danger was of having characters appear flat. I suspect that Wicked Paradise 4 will meet with your approval. It's the longest story that I've made and it has the most characters, including lots of breasts but also lots of character development. I'm giving it a brief final proofread right now and then I will post it.

I'm posting it before Wicked Paradise 3 because that particular story needs a lot of work before I would dare post it here, and it has almost no connection to Wicked Paradise 4. (Wicked Paradise 3 follows Sadie right off the island, while Wicked Paradise 4 follows Alice into the jungle to meet the natives of Wicked Paradise 1.)

badlybent
12-16-2006, 02:31 AM
Semigloss-We learn by pushing the envelope. Every story you write will improve if you keep it up and so far you have. You have an unusually talented imagination. It seems to me that it is really a matter of getting it undercontrol which comes from practice. This story isn't perfect. If you write one it probably won't be for SSP or at least I hope not because it will deserve much more attention than it will get here. Your characters here are a little flat but they are better in Ice Queen so you've already grown. I somehow feel that you are maybe too harsh a self critic. Try to relax and let the storys flow. Rose's critism here is very good but maybe you went too far in analysing it. (My opinion.) She wasn't saying it was a bad story just suggesting improvement.

I think you actully are on the right track about a charcter needing some sympthetic attachment. Maybe it only needs to be one of them. As simple a device as giving Anna a boy friend that she lost in when she feel into the underworld and by getting he money she could get him back. Something like that. Who knows. She is the most sympathetic character. Don't take what I say seriously you have the imagination. Looking forward to more work.

AddictedToHoney
12-25-2006, 01:03 PM
Just read this as a new member, and whilst I'm no writer by any means I have a thought or two. I did find myself hoping Anna would win out, and perhaps it would help to:

Emphasise Anna's plight living down on street level, the desire to get a basic life back and maybe even help people stuck down there. Another option is to ruin Jessica's reputation as well.

Maybe also emphasise Jessica's lust for power. It was present certainly, and if you read between the lines it is apparent losing her breasts would also be a PR disaster.

I think I'm trying to say a little more polarisation would be nice, and a little more fleshing out on their seperate agendas. In Anna's case I think this was first survival, then recovering a decent life, and then perhaps another shift later. In Jessica's case it was vanity and power, which she clung to even as survival became an issue until the very last moments where she switched to survival.

I think there is a lot of potential, maybe even enough to split this into 2 or 3 parts. There is enough of the characters that you notice how deep or flat they are which isn't a bad sign, I mean you can't easily measure the depth of an A4 sheet.

Natsu
07-29-2010, 07:38 PM
Good very good but not quite beleiveabal.(or however its really spelt)