Forum: Joke Corner

"Oh great. My next door neighbor is a Chaplain. Today he walked 8 blocks from the bus stop to his church "out of uniform." 2 times he was approached w/the offer by a woman of; "Blow job 20$." Not knowing what they were talking about he ignored them and continued to his church. When he arrived he...

An older lady named Pat was somewhat lonely since her cat died and decided she needed another pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked...

In the fast typing world of Twitter, people are careless with capitalization. It's a slippery slope between "Helping your Uncle Jack off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse".

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was...

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic...

A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant." He asked, "How did this happen, my child?" She said, "I think it must be the second coming." The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?". She replied, "Because I...

How many of these have you heard around the office? 1) I need to whip it out by 5! 2) Mind if I use your lap-top? 3) Put it in my box before you leave. 4) If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! 5) I want it on my desk, now! 6) Hmmm, I think it's all out of fluid... 7) My equipment is so old...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point,...

How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave. ~~~~~~~~~~ A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its...

I was standing there, hands trembling, my wife due home from work any time now... I reached for my youngest daughter's top - it came off with little resistance. Her training bra was my next hurdle. Hands still trembling, I gently unclipped it and unable to control my hands I watched it as it...

Be careful how you treat this question on your tax form... The question is how many dependents do you have! The IRS sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!! I guess it was because of my response to the question : "List all dependents?" I replied - "12 million illegal immigrants;

Duane rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox... While he was there, a very attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing just a robe. Duane smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As...

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on...

-----Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you...

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep. California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines,

This Irish Red reporting the latest news 1. Stark Enterprise has made a new condom they call it the IronMan it`s full protection selflubbing 2. In Danville Phineas and Ferb Brobots ran amuck...

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil. My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never come back! I asked him how he was coping and he...

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" Guy: "Sure, I...

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east...

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.” Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up...

Every so often I find myself walking in at the right moment during a conversation, and have these WTF moments. This is a collection of them. "I don't think I can do the tranny thing, they smell awful" "What hole did you say this went in again?" "I want a bite of that..."(There was a guy...

Ok, so chatting with the misses and apparently i tell to many sexist jokes so, shes withholding sex for the rest of the month if i cant make it a week without telling a joke... so, i decided i needed an outlet, any joke of a sexist nature shall be posted here :p lets hope i make it :)