Story Details

Bimboization of Björk

senilbjork on Celebrity Stories

'I'd be lying if I wouldn't admit that I realized in
a lot of things I'm a bit, sort of, stupid and slow. And
it takes me about, kind of like, 10 years later than my
fellow girlfriends in, kind of like...finding out about
certain things, and...I would basically say that, you know,
I'm a bit, sort of stupid and a bit sort of slow, you know,
and... I think it's lot to do with my...inability to...
take in and learn about things with my brain. I kind of
have to do it with my senses, is kind of all I got, really.
And when you do things like that it takes ages, you know.
And I, for example #like#, no way I can drive a car. I had
a car for one year and I think I crashed it, sort of...
twice a month. And it's just to clever for me, you know,
it's got no logic, traffic - just got no logic for me.'

Me, Dec. 1th 1993 on Swedish TV1




Me, Björk Guðmundsdottír, 40 years old, admit to have been wrong all my life until now. I have been wrong about myself and womans in general. Although, my distinctive original style of music and singing made me famous and respected as a self-made woman, i now realize i made a mistake. I should not believe that a woman can be smart and independent. I should not believe either that i can continue to pretend being an exception, a special woman. Because, inside of me, all i see is just another talentless brainless bimbo pop tart who only want to demonstrate her inferior status by humiliating herself in public. 


Recently, my new husband have convinced me to submit to all his wishes and become his property for life and without a pause. He made me realize who i truly was. After the waking call of mature singers/songwriters like Jewel (31 years old) and Liz Phair (38 years old) who deliberately give up their independence they fought so hard to get, and happily destroyed their reputation of strong womans by following the example of embarrassingly younger teen idols, I, Björk Guðmundsdottír, decided to do the same in a really near future as I too deserve (and will enjoy so much) to be retrograded to the status of a sex object. Knowing what it is to be seen as an equal and even a superior creature, I, declare that i will not miss any of my old life.


Britney Spears have made it right as a woman and deserve to be respected much more than Liz Phair, Jewel and I. She's a real woman in the purest of the terms : a perfect airhead incapable of articulating anything other than a man would want out of her mouth, she's already build a reputation what I always dreamed of, but was incapable to accomplish so far in my life. My life might be twice more advanced than Britney's life, but I can only admit she's far superior woman. For now on, she will be my ultimate idol. In all her wonderful limitations, she remind constantly to womans in our world that they are nothing more than the property of a man.


About Jewel and Liz Phair, these two articles says it all in really humiliating terms for both ex-songwriters what their decision could only be a deliberate attempt to be retrograded to the status of a sex object. Listening to my husband idea of a perfect woman, reading this kind of articles, seeing Jewel and Phair around me, completely erase their strong personality (that took so many years to be accepted), just to fit the teen-pop tart image, really convinced me to follow the same bimboization process. I can't wait to show more skin and reduce my intelligence. I'm sure stop thinking will do me good and i will start to enjoy myself for the first time in my life. Oh! Gwen Stefani is in there too! It took her 36 years to discover she was nothing more than a bimbo doing Bubble Pop Electric ...Everybody is doing it isn't it ???





'Remember when Jewel was a preachy folk poet who wondered "who will sa-aa-aa-ve your soul"? She's been rah-rahed off the field by a perky cheerleader with a mesh shirt that doesn't cover her bellybutton. On her latest, 0304, Jewel regresses to the mentality of a high school student, her do-gooder sentimentality buried under mechanised beats and the Abba-esque group harmonies that are pop's favourite cliche.

"If you want me let me know/I promise I won't say no," she sings on Intuition, a tune that could have been an out-take from Spears's Oops! ... I Did It Again sessions. Jewel even resorts in the liner notes to instant-message glyphs ("Would U like 2 come along?") and brings aboard a producer named Lester Mendez, whose previous credits include work with the Spice Girls and Shakira.

All this is so shocking that 0304 comes with an explanation. "This record may seem different to you," she writes in the liners. "To me, it's close to what's been in my head for years." What, you thought she was mulling the Greenpeace agenda all this time? Nope. Britney is the soundtrack to Jewel's life.

Jewel isn't the only singer doing back-handsprings. Liz Phair took five years off from fame and emerged with a decidedly grit-free, sunny rock album. You'd think a single mum of 36 would have some grown-up things on her mind, but within a minute of the album opener, Extraordinary, Phair is offering to demonstrate her love-worthiness by jumping into a car and running stop signs in the buff. Four of the 14 tracks - including Extraordinary - were co-penned by the Matrix, a Los Angeles songwriting trio that writes three-minute pop songs to artists such as the Backstreet Boys and Lavigne. (Yes, it turns out she doesn't really write her songs, either.)

The Matrix excel at what they do, but they sell a formula that Phair's long-time fans would be surprised to learn she's buying. This is the woman who in 1993 released Exile in Guyville, a sexually blunt album intended as a song-for-song answer to the Rolling Stones' Exile on Main Street. Guyville is idiosyncratic and raunchy enough to seem like the work of just one febrile and highly original imagination. Not true of Phair's new album. It sounds a bit like Lavigne after five beers and a couple of heartbreaks.'

'It's a pattern so consistent you can view the history of pop as a non-stop bout for the upper hand, with producers, songwriters and impresarios in one corner and singer-songwriters in the other. The former have been in control for years now, at least on the female side.'


'To fans’ dismay, 36-year-old Liz Phair appears to be reinventing herself as a talentless “teen.”

(...)


Please, step to the front of the class and tell us, what in the world are you doing?

Sure, there are all those pop tarts out there (i.e. Britney Spears) selling music of dubious merit by looking trampy. But you women are talented. You're successful. Each of you has earned critical acclaim. Some of you already enjoy career longevity.

Do you no longer want the world to take you seriously as artists?

(...)

Jewel, who has sold nearly 25-million records with her clothes on, was never about glitz and sex. But, there she is on the cover of this month's Blender, looking like a S&M vixen. Jewel's new video, Intuition, a foray into bland dance pop, features the star having her shirt blown open, and being hosed down by firefighters.

Jewel explains to interviewers that until now she has "always held back" her sexuality. The singer told NBC's Today that she's excited to be "doing things I never thought I'd be doing," adding that the video is a commentary on "the commercialization of myself." Jewel says it was a breakthrough, showing off all that skin.

(...)

Liz Phair became the darling of the indie-rock world back in 1993 with her smart, groundbreaking, proto-feminist Exile in Guyville, considered one of the most influential underground albums of that decade. Phair's two follow-up albums garnered more critical praise.

But something with this year's Liz Phair CD went dreadfully wrong. Critics are having a field day dissecting the Identity Crisis of Liz Phair. A New York Times article this month called the 36-year-old singer to task for crafting an album of idiotic pop with The Matrix, the team of songwriters who wrote hits for teen popster Avril Lavigne, and, worse, for her new image. The article blasted "a woman approaching 40 getting dolled up in market-approved teen gear (the bad schoolgirl look, recently embraced by Britney Spears.)"

To her fans, the newly divorced Phair seems to have lost her mind. Fans loved her for singing frankly about love, lust and gender woes on Exile. Who knew a decade later she'd reinvent herself as a talentless "teen" star?



With the release of Love, Angel, Music, Baby, the Orange County rebel girl has completed her transformation into plastic pop diva from The O.C. Like the fictitious nighttime soap locale, this version of Gwen is hardly recognizable from the real thing. By real thing, I mean the ska-happy Gwen that made her name taking chances on a style of music that radio programmers were not exactly falling all over themselves to play back in the day. 

(...)

Gwen goes for broke in her quest for utter stupidity with "Bubble Pop Electric," a song so silly not even Britney Spears would record it. Although, it does sound like that was who Gwen was trying to rip off. 



I'm seeking some suggestions. I only have one goal in my life right now : transform myself into the dumbest and most sex obsessed pop star. I need to be the perfect brainless bimbo pop tart, mostly without a trace of intelligence and what we often call self-respect. Do you have any tricks for me ?? Buying myself fake boobs, wearing less and less clothes and appearing on petgirls.com is already in my plans! I'm also really good at giggling without any reason, giggles, giggles, like a retarded icelandic woman that can't learn english properly after years of practice. Yeah, i always was dumb as a senil goldfish. But how can i get rid of my originality ? Stupid music ideas for me ?

Being almost 40, i was thinking i could become a positive role model for lost young womans overrating themselves so much. Fortunately, with so many young womans growing up on heavily sexist reality show's and developing some many hyper-sexualization habits there's less and less of these and more and more bimbo's! Soon, womans will be slaves again!!
















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