LordSnow
Member Since October 19, 2009
Me and my cousin pt. 1
by
who_dis_be
5387 days ago
LordSnow
5859 days ago
who_dis_be
5387 days ago
LordSnow
5859 days ago
-
2
+
I thought the basic premise was good. And I hope you don’t get discourage by all the negative comments. Take what people say and try to improve your writing. I’d be happy to “talk†to you and help you improve. I’m constantly trying to improve my
Master Jason Part One
by
saddlebred105
saddlebred105
you're heard enough about teh shit easting so I won't touch that
Master Jason Part One
by
saddlebred105
saddlebred105
you've probably heard enough about the shit eating so I won't touch that... for starters a story needs characters.. by that I mean the reader needs to like and be interested in the charatcers. I wasn't interested in these characters. Secondly the mother j
A Cute Cop Is Cuffed
by
DARK CLOUD
DARK CLOUD
but why was it posted in incest? seemed more suited to forced sex stories. My oly other criticism is a couple of times you referred to Trish as Fiona.. other than that a great story
A Cute Cop Is Cuffed
by
DARK CLOUD
DARK CLOUD
but why was it posted in incest? seemed more suited to forced sex stories. My oly other criticism is a couple of times you referred to Trish as Fiona.. other than that a great story
Neighbors Ch. 01
by
jessy19
jessy19
I thought it was well written.. but it is so hard to read... yet another vote for editing it into paragraphs and reposting
Mommy, Sonny And a Voyeur V-2
by
Gora
Gora
great stuff I had been waiting for more chapters of the story. one of the best I have read on here. thanks!!
Mommy, Sonny And a Voyeur V-2
by
Gora
Gora
great stuff I had been waiting for more chapters of the story. one of the best I have read on here. thanks!!
A mom and her son
by
DshBrdConfssnl15
DshBrdConfssnl15
the premise is good.. but a lot of it was lost in spelling errors... and 46 year old woman talking like she stepped out of a prince song "U" and "kno" might be great when IMing someone but didn't like it in the story
Mom agrees to help
by
itsonrocky
itsonrocky
You don’t have enough paragraphs, its 2 steps away from a wall of words. When a character speaks it should be broken out as a paragraph and you should show who is doing the speaking as well. I'll show you an example of what I mean. I changed part of you
In my house
by
moobomb90
moobomb90
Bad grammar, individual dialog needs to be broke out into separate paragraphs… “story†was essentially a wall of words, need to run it through spell check… perhaps read more stories see what works and what doesn’t and try to incorporate those le
Fucking My Sexy Mom 1
by
fuckerboy
fuckerboy
I thought it was well written... I agree with sam could have went with less moaning.. other that a fine story. Like I said in the subject line I thought it happened way too easy.. even wanting for awhile and waiting for him to make the first move.. I thin
MY WIFE STEP DAUGHTER AND ME
by
alc239
alc239
I would love to read some more. and laury60@hotmail.co.uk I'l love to share a couple of stories i have as well
Cost Of Innocence
by
Lizzie
Lizzie
the basic premise was good.. lots to work with there.. but left out details... not just what they were doing.. but what they were thinking... how they were feeling... could be a good story.
Breeding slave part -2
by
Masters_lilcocksucker
Masters_lilcocksucker
I hate to sound overly critical but it's not a story it's more like a paragraph.
The virgin boss and I
by
Jolly1
Jolly1
really need to work on details, and/or keeping the straight.. first the teachers panties are getting wet, then Cody is surprised to find she isn't wearing any panties. thee seemed to be no deatil in describing what they were doing or how they were feeling
Daddy Takes What He Wants Part 1
by
BABY G
BABY G
a decent idea for a story.. but dialog (what the charatcers speak) should be broken out into a paragraph... I hate it when Prince uses "U" as in "I would die 4 U" I hate it even more in a story not a bad concept.. but it needs a lot of work
online rape to reality
by
mindy69rough
mindy69rough
my biggest problem is the useage of "U", "ur", and other expressions you find in an IM and a text message... it's just bad writing. i won't get into the lack of plot or character development
Discoveries Of A Young Boy
by
CalicoJack
CalicoJack
okay the most confusing things thing was the lack of paragraphs hard to read a wall of words. the other thing that was prety confusing was at the end where you switch to the husband, and you were still using first person voice.
The First time
by
can a bus fly
can a bus fly
where are the details? how did he feel? what was going through her mind? was she nevrous? why was she drawn to her nephew?
Mommy, Sonny and a Voyeur - The Conclusion
by
raye829
raye829
I have been for the conclusion of this for awhile now.. and it was well worth the wait. Your story was one the best things i have read on here. thanks for sharing
Unexpected love
by
DaMan01
DaMan01
I started to read it.. and saw that one huge paragraph and stopped reading it.
I fucked my step mom
by
JimDeed
JimDeed
the basic premise was good, but i hate when "writers" insist on using things like OMG , U instead of you, 2 instead of to, and 4 instead of for... the subline says it all
Underground Home Alone
by
young4fun
young4fun
I stop reading half way through.. because I couldn't keep track of where I was.
Brother visits Sister at College Part 4
by
breastgirl34c
breastgirl34c
I like what you have doe so far... keep up the good work