MerrySM's Avatar
MerrySM Member Since December 12, 2016
The REAL Cinderella
MerrySM 2662 days ago
- 0 + Shitty story, actually could have been good.. Reads like a grocery list. Never gets into the mind of the character. For instance:

..was covered in mean looking curved spikes. She rolled it along my breasts and rubbed it into my belly and nipples. It left small cuts on my torso.....

Could have been better written. The tiny spikes bit into my breath flesh sending waves of pain and pleasure as she rolled it across my belly. My nipples hardened as if they were aroused, confused by the pain. (End)

The story teller only describes the objects around her, not really tapping UK nto the emotions or sensations. Couldn't finish reading the story.