tboneguy
Member Since October 19, 2009
Finally
by
WMSpearshaker
4832 days ago
tboneguy
5305 days ago
WMSpearshaker
4832 days ago
tboneguy
5305 days ago
-
8
+
Very nicely written and very sexy. Yeah, there are a few grammatical things, mainly that you don't quite know when to use accusative case. Might be worth checking up on that. And watch "its" and "it's." Nonetheless enjoyable.
Finally 2 - 2-Sisters Return
by
WMSpearshaker
WMSpearshaker
Hi Bill,
Yeah, I'll give you 5 stars for this one. Damn good. And I do post stories of my own (for your criticism, if you choose) and do sign my name to comments. And the comments are posted in the interest of helping, rather than criticizing. I don'
Yeah, I'll give you 5 stars for this one. Damn good. And I do post stories of my own (for your criticism, if you choose) and do sign my name to comments. And the comments are posted in the interest of helping, rather than criticizing. I don'
The Delight of Amber
by
sik fuk
sik fuk
Yes, the forbidden is very exciting, and this one is very well written. I assume you are planning to continue.
Neighbors Ch. 01
by
jessy19
jessy19
Golly, Jess, I do wish you had finished this one. I've read quite a few of your stories and I think this is one of the best. And yeah, I understand about the paragraphs; I have had a run-in or two with this sucky new software, too. Really miss the revi
Massage from sis!
by
Vaughan
Vaughan
The idea is good, but you have so very many errors that it's hard to read. Several times I had to stop reading the story to figure out what word you really meant to write. I suggest that you use spell-check and have a friend read over these things.
A Widow's Adventure
by
kahanabay
kahanabay
Y'know, this is well-written and very sexy, and the story premise is entirely original. It's good. But why would you write something this good as a wall of words? Anybody who can write that well knows to use paragraphs and a spell-checker. I'm hoping
A gymnasts first time (part 1)
by
hothornyhannah
hothornyhannah
Needs capitals to start sentences and lots more editing. Not a bad story, but the technical stuff detracts.
The Snapper
by
Luckymann
Luckymann
This is really quite a good story. Very romantic, sweet and sensitive, yet very, very erotic. I really like the way you made him so attentive to her pleasure and needs. Hope you'll be contributing often.
JRM
JRM
Train ride to remember
by
STRONGENTLE
STRONGENTLE
Hi Cliff. I think your story needs more sex if you are going to post it at a porn site. It barely gets started in this one and poofs out. And you should really get someone to proofread for you. Often you use the wrong word, or sometimes just spell it
Moonlight and Elize
by
JillHill
JillHill
Congrats, Jill. This is one whole helluva good story. How nice to see a well-written erotic story on this site instead of the usual ignorant porn. I'll be watching for anything else you might care to post.
My Daughter, My Son, and His Friend (Part 2)
by
Bassvol34
Bassvol34
This one has good potential, but I think you needed to reread the original. In that one, it was the daughter who was 4 years older, and instead of coming in drunk from a date and catching them she had come in from work earlier and they made a "date" for
Cousin and I discover Promised Land (Part One)
by
cleanshaven
cleanshaven
Well-written in every respect. I wish more of them were like this. I'll watch for part 2.
Niece's First Love
by
reeb
reeb
Good sexy story, very well-written. I much prefer stories in which the folks treat each other with affection and respect. One little thing: you misplaced the hymen. It's at the very entrance to the vagina, not a couple of inches back. Common mistake.
A hot date with an awkward boy
by
curvycutie121
curvycutie121
You should have gone on in the first place. This is not a story; it's merely the introduction to one. You need to write a whole sexual scene before you post. But this is a good start.
Anna: Unwiling?
by
dsaun
dsaun
You have some good ideas here. I don't normally care for forced-sex stories, but this has promise. But why don't you use paragraphs? This wall of words is very hard to read, and I usually bypass those (and bet lots of other readers do, too). If you wa
Late Night Gospel Study
by
cherokee
cherokee
Well, I am a confirmed atheist, so I'm not condemning anyone to a hell I don't believe in. This was really well-written and I have no doubt that this scenario occurs much more often than the church folks would like to believe. And frankly, the people we
Sheets
by
Toey Little One
Toey Little One
This stupid software doesn't understand carriage returns or tabs. To get a blank line, you have to hit RETURN, then SPACEBAR (at least once). For tabs, you just type the spaces. Miserable story editing software.
Worth the Wait
by
fkallstar10
fkallstar10
As Charles said, it's a good start, but I think there should have been at least twice as much of it. If it's a romantic story, then dernit, make it ROMANTIC, and make sex the end of the process. And if you are going to write more, have you figured out w
Mr Mole discovers the Vagina, and how to make it Cum
by
Moleuser
Moleuser
Yeah, this one has sequel possibilities; barely got started, actually. Maybe you could do some more of this. I'll watch for it.
You can see mine if you show me yours
by
Vaughan
Vaughan
This has some possibilities, but you barely started it. You need to plan your story and write a whole episode before you submit.
Back to School
by
Jolly1
Jolly1
Well done, Jolly. Truly is a romantic story. All too many of these things are just "let's me an' you stick our genitals together an' see what happens." Uh, one little thing: the hymen is not 2 inches inside the vagina; it's right at the opening. As Y
Adulthood
by
AtlantisX
AtlantisX
Yep, I have read the story that you adapted this from, and you made a huge improvement. The characters and the story line are developed much better. I have rewritten stories this way a few times myself, purely for my own entertainment. Still a few typo
Dear Sadie
by
hillarysmuff
hillarysmuff
Yeah, this one's fun. I like to write first person myself, so I like to read stories written that way. Obviously you can keep this one going as long as you please. Uh, birth control?
Justin Earns a Living
by
hillarysmuff
hillarysmuff
God, this is the worst wall of words I have ever seen. Other people have learned to use paragraphs and you can, too.
Jack & Donna.......& Nicole, Chapter 17, The Conclusion
by
DJN57
DJN57
You must have had a wonderful time writing this series. I know I do, when I get a good story going; I just can't wait to see what my fingers type out next. And this one just kept going and going. You developed the characters well, and I really liked th
Brown's shoe store I
by
Slickman2000
Slickman2000
Well done, Slick. Mostly what I see here is "Me got cock, you got cunt, let's fuck" (in bad grammar with no paragraphs). It's great to see one that develops.
Becoming Rich Part 3
by
phang
phang
I have read all 3 chapters now, and yes, it's a real treat to read a STORY, rather than a few lines to introduce the sex. Well-written and I really enjoyed it. Only one thing: how the hell can anyone write a porn story without knowing how to spell "sem
My Torture by Schoolgirls
by
cleaner475
cleaner475
No, there's nothing erotic in this story line. I'd say abandon it.