I love my brother, though our relationship is strange, compared to other people.
My boyfriend hates when the three of us hang out because he says it’s like my brother and I are in a relationship and he’s the third wheel. We’ll cuddle and hold hands. It’s never been sexual, well not really, until something in my mind shifted and I struggle to know how to deal with it.
My brother and I grew up in the foster care system. He’s 2 years younger than me and I’ve very much been his protector, at least in the early years. We were all we had. I would spend every moment I could with him. He was never the “bratty younger brother” or someone that I was embarrassed to be seen with. We both needed that feeling of being loved and we gave it to each other the best that we could. I told him everything, well almost everything. I’d tell him about some of his friends I slept with or some of the random guys I hooked up. He did the same. We have that type of relationship that we can be in the same bathroom, even if one of us is peeing. Who the fuck cares? We don’t.
I never told him about the things that I knew he’d never leave me alone about. The foster dad I slept with. The couple I was with. The few married men. The security guard. The teacher. Things like that. I did tell him about my rape, well at least one, and the time I let a few guys have fun with me. He just teased me about those kinds of things but there were lines he hated seeing me cross and I don’t want to disappoint him.
When we were younger, we sometimes shared a room together. I saw him naked a few times and he saw me. At first, he was so weird about it but one day, I was changing in the bathroom, into my swim suit, and he comes running in. He barges in and pushes past me and flips up the toilet seat and starts to pee. He turned and saw that I was naked and turned his face around and apologized. He finished and flushed and went to wash his hands and I blocked the sink. He covered his eyes and I pulled his hand down.
“Stop. It’s natural. Look at me.” And he looked only at my eyes. “Do you want to fuck me?” I asked him and he said “Hell NO!” and I agreed. Though I don’t think either of us really knew what that meant back then. “I don’t want to fuck you either, but you can see me a naked. LOOK.” And he did. “Now do you want to fuck me?”
“No!”
“Then we’re good.” And I stepped into my bottoms.
“You are so weird” he said, washing his hands.
“I just want nothing between us.” I said and put on my top.
“Fine” he said and wiped his cold wet hands on my arms and left.
Things like that were normal for us. Sure, when we’d masturbate, we’d try to hide it. I’d see movements, or shadows, and only guessed what he was doing. I was sure the same was true for him, which he confirmed when we were older.
I was very sexual in my teen years but I NEVER thought of him that way. Not even when we were partying in this abandoned house and I was making out with this guy and my brother was making out with my friend on the other side of the room. The girl was someone that my brother had a crush on for a year. She was one of my friends and he just followed her around everywhere. She swore she would never have anything to do with him. He only had one thing on his mind when he was finally making out with her and he didn’t even notice that I was in the room. Her top came off and he was sucking on her nipples and I glanced over. I told the guy I was with, that I guess it didn’t matter what we did, since they were doing it too and soon he had me naked and was going down on me. I would look over from time to time and saw my friend stroking my brother’s cock. His cock was a good size, from what I could tell in the dimly lit room. My friend got up and was about to sit on his erection, when I yelled, “CONDOM” and he looked at me. The guy I was with was on top of me, pounding away, when I gave my brother a thumbs up and a dorky smile. He smiled. “Condom” and I gave him that look.
“Wait.” I whispered to the guy fucking me and I watched as my brother put the condom on. Yeah, definitely a nice cock. “Ok” I said and I turned my attention back to my guy.
“Isn’t that your brother?” He asked.
“Yup, proud of my boy getting her.” I smiled, truly just happy for him, nothing else.
That interaction, seeing my brother erect and fucking another woman didn’t turn me on. It made me proud. Proud of him. When we left, I had my arm around him the entire time, congratulating him on getting his crush. There was no shame, nothing between us.
When I was raped, while camping, he was the first person I called. He immediately came over and just held me. I just cried and he held me. Even when I hated men and didn’t want to be touched, he wasn’t a man, he was the only person I trusted and I needed him holding me. We cuddled a lot after that. We felt so much closer.
Then covid happened and I lost my job and moved in with him. In a short period, I lost my job, apartment, and boyfriend but I had him so even though life sucked, it was ok. He, meanwhile continued to work, eventually getting me a job, had a girlfriend and was dealing with the lockdown better than me.
I found out much later that this brother/sister covid attraction was a common thing, or at least a much more common thing than I thought. We lived together well. He gave me his room and he slept on the couch. Somehow, we got even closer and I even shared with him some of the things I swore I’d never tell him. We’d be high every day and get drunk together on occasion. Nothing sexual would spark between us. It was good. We were horny all the time though and even had a code word when we needed to masturbate and the other person would go to their area and put on headphone and watch tv or read a book or surf the web. We would often have more sex toys drying in the dish rack than dishes. We would always tease each other about it.
Then about eight months into the lockdown, something shifted. We got drunk and went into our areas to go to bed and masturbated. I came but still wasn’t satisfied and paced the room. After a few minutes, things calmed down but I had to pee so I slowly opened the door and went to the bathroom. I peed and flushed and decided that enough time had passed that I could get a glass of water. I coughed loudly, then proceeded to the kitchen. He was laying on the couch, the light dimly lit his body and he was stroking his cock with his hand. I got wet, as my body really wanted to feel a cock again, not just a toy. I looked and his face was covered by his hand. I noticed immediately that in his hand was a pair of underwear. My underwear. My dirty underwear from yesterday. He was breathing them in deeply while stroking his thick cock. I could feel my wetness and I turned around quickly and ran to the bedroom and shut the door.
I thought about what I saw. I thought about how my mind reacted. I thought about his cock. I thought about him stroking it. I wondered how it would feel in my hand, in my mouth, in my pussy. STOP, HE’S YOUR BROTHER! My mind screamed but my hand found my clit and my body tingled. I grabbed my largest dildo and thought about his cock in me as I moved it inside me. I pounded it hard and could feel my juices dripping out of my body and I came quickly. I left the dildo in me and tried to catch my breathe. FUCK, I WANT HIS COCK I couldn’t stop thinking about it, as I pulled out the toy and pulled up my underwear. I pushed the crotch of my underwear into my pussy and rubbed it a bit.
The next day I put the underwear on the top of my clothes pile and went about watching tv and cuddling with him when he got home from work, but I couldn’t stop thinking about his cock. We smoked out and hung out a while longer and I went to my room. I checked the pile and my underwear was gone. I pulled apart the pile but they were gone, though the previous ones were there. I waited and snuck out of my room later that night and peaked but he wasn’t masturbating. I checked him a dozen times but he never did masturbate. I tried hard to turn my sexual attraction off.
I successfully turned it down, but not off. I was able to cuddle and be myself again, without wanting to have sex but I’d peak all the time to see if he was masturbating. I saw him a few times and each time I just wanted to watch him more.
Then a few weeks later he was watching porn on his phone and masturbating and I was watching him. I watched as he stared at the little screen and jacked off with his fleshlight. A part of me was disappointed that I couldn’t see his cock. Then he looked up briefly and caught me staring. He covered up quickly and pushed the phone down in the cushions.
“What are you doing standing there?” He asked.
“I didn’t want to disturb you.” I said.
“So, you just watched me?”
“Yeah, sorry. What were you watching?” and I walked to him on the couch and tried to grab his phone.
“STOP! Get the fuck away you perv.” He yelled. I grabbed the phone and he pulled it back. I could hear the girl moaning. Then I thought I heard her say “brother”. He went to the home screen and locked his phone. “Get the fuck away.” He yelled, so I left but came back.
“Were you watching brother/sister porn?” I smiled.
“No, you wish. Now leave so I can finish, IF I can finish!” and so I left.
A few nights later we got drunk and I asked him if he was watching brother/sister porn as I leaned against his shoulder.
“Ok, yes.”
I sat up and grabbed my tits over my tee. “So, you want to fuck your sister?”
“Ewww get the fuck out.” He laughed. I prodded him more but he denied it and told me that the girl was hot. I was going to let it go, but I couldn’t. I was too drunk.
“Can I ask?” he gave me a scared look. “That night I caught you with Mia (he named his fleshlight Mia), would it have been weird if I would have grabbed it while fighting for your phone and used it on you?”
“Yes!” he said.
“But, it’s not like I would be touching you and stuff. I would just be helping you.”
“No, it’s still weird.”
“Ok, you have two broken arms and horny. Would you ask me to help you with that?”
“No. Well, two broken arms?”
“Yeah”
“Ok, then maybe.”
“Would you be watching porn, in this broken arm situation?”
“Definitely.” he said quickly.
“Would I have to hold the phone too, while you watched incest porn?” and he hit me with the pillow.
“Ok, ok. What if I had two broken arms, would you masturbate me.”
“Do I get paid?” he asked seriously.
“NO!”
“Then no.”
“Oh, so I would masturbate you and you wouldn’t return the favor? Why do I love you?”
“I have no idea. Why do I love you? You freak.”
“I have no idea.” (That is our common retort).
“So, I think, if I have two broken arms you better help me masturbate or we’ll have words.”
“Ok fine. With a vibrator or just the wand?”
“Would you be uncomfortable using one or the other?”
“I think it would be weird inserting something in you.” He was being honest.
“Ok then, if I have two broken arms, you’ll have to use the largest dildo in my ass” I laughed as he hit me with the pillow a few more times.
“I hate you.” He laughed.
I put my head on his lap and looked up at him.
“I love you.” I smiled. “and thank you for not having a hard on right now, that would have been awkward and another conversation.” He pushed me off him and onto the floor.
A few months past and things didn’t come up again as I saw my ex a few times and he and I patched things up and my brother was able to visit his girlfriend more often as restrictions were lifting a little. Then I caught him masturbating with my underwear again and all the feelings came up again. It wasn’t his girlfriend’s pair, it was mine. I needed to talk to someone about it but no one I knew.
I found this website that you could chat with people about various things, mostly sexual. I answered a few ads and found someone to talk to that wanted to have sex with her father. She was in her 40’s and married and her husband knew. We talked about all the things her father would do, or hint at, and she listened to my story about my brother. She planted the seed in my head that I should push things further. I later found out it was a guy and I was being catfished, but at the time, I thought I was talking to an older woman that was struggling with similar things as me. I am new to all these sites, so it was a learning experience.
Either way, she convinced me to push things with my brother. So, one night, on her instructions, I did. My brother and I aren’t living together anymore, as I moved in with my boyfriend and I only see my brother maybe once a week. We planned a date where I’d spend the night. I went over and we got drunk. I told him that I’d take the couch this time and he agreed. We were both pretty wasted and I actually had to pull him off the couch and told him to go to his room. Since I was so nervous, I didn’t think I’d do anything. I laid on the couch, pretty drunk, and just lightly touched and thought of him on this same couch. I decided I wouldn’t do what the woman wanted me to do (which was just start sucking his cock) but I’d go to his room. I shook him a few times until he woke up.
“I hate the couch. Move over.” And I slid into his full-sized bed. He turned his back to me and went back to bed. I shook him a few times.
“I want you to hold me.” He groaned and turned over and put his arm over my waist. I laid there for a while and then I moved his hand under my tee and onto my bare skin. I was happy with just that amount and started to fall asleep. He moved closer to me, spooning me, curling his legs with mine and moved his hands to my tits. He squeezed them and held them and I could feel his cock push against my ass.
This is it, this is the porn video. I’m ready to take the taboo step forward. I thought and then thought about how comfortable and loved I felt and fell asleep being held like that.
I woke up early the next morning and his other arm was under my neck and he was still holding my right tit. I put my hand on his and moved it to my left tit, so he’d hold me tighter. He squeezed it and squeezed my nipple. His cock poking my ass again.
“Hey” I whispered until he slowly woke up. He realized what he was doing and tried to move his hand away.
“I like this, please stay.” And I held his hand on my tit and he stopped trying to move. He curled me in tight. He squeezed my tit a little more.
“You have really nice tits.” He said in my ear. “But all my friends have said so, so I know that already.”
“And you have a nice cock” and I pushed my ass into it more. “but only a few of my friends have said so, so I just assumed.” We both chuckled a little.
“Is this weird?” He whispered.
“No, don’t make it weird.” And we laid there in bed like that for a while.
That is where my story ended, or so I told that woman. What I never told anyone else is what happened after.

We laid in bed cuddling. Then I turned to him, our faces close enough to kiss.
“I have to ask, when we lived together, did you steal my underwear to masturbate to?”
“No.” he turned red. I hit him on the arm.
“Yes, ok, yes.”
“Why?”
“Come on sis” he begged.
“Why?”
“Ok, we were locked up and I was so horny and you just walked around in your tee and underwear and sometimes I’d get glimpses of your tits, or nipples through your shirt, and I got turned on. Not by you, but you know.”
“I know.” I whispered.
“Well, one night, that night we binged Fleabag, I noticed you had a wet spot on your panties.” I hit him. “Underwear, sorry, and when I went into my room to get my wallet the next morning, I saw them besides the bed. I grabbed them, I don’t know why.”
“Oh, I remember that night,” I laughed.
“I swear I was just curious as to how wet you got and they were still a little wet and the white cream was all over the crotch. I touched it, thinking of you as a woman, not my sister, and then tasted it.” He turned red. “Then I can’t believe I’m telling you this, I smelled it and got immediately hard, like painfully hard.”
“Why didn’t you just go in and fuck me?”
“No, ewwww.” He said sincerely. “I love you, I’ll apparently cross many lines with you but I’m not going to fuck you while you’re asleep.”
“I’m awake now, so will you fuck me?”
He hit my arm. “Stop, I’m trying to be serious.” I laughed.
“Hey you asked and I’m telling you the truth. I can shut up now.”
“No no, I’m sorry, continue.”
“Wait, would you have wanted me to fuck you?”
I was going to lie. I should have maybe lied. “I don’t think I would have been upset.”
“What? You’d be ok with us fucking?”
“Ugh, ok, I have to admit, I NEVER thought about it until the night I saw you masturbating with my underwear.”
“You what?!”
“You know how I get, well I got that way, with you…”
“Fuck. Dude that’s heavy.” He said, rolling on his back.
“Does that weird you out?”
“Yeah, it does.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be!” He turned to face me again.
“So yeah, we need therapy.” He smiled.
“I’m in therapy, maybe I need meds.” We laughed.
“Listen, seriously.” I said to him, putting my arm on his shoulder and running it to his back. “I love you, I only love you. I will not do anything to ruin, make awkward, fuck us up, you’re all I have. I sabotage a lot of things. You’re the only thing I try hard not to. I’m sorry I made this awkward.”
“It’s not. It’s just weird. I don’t think of you that way at all.”
“But you stole my underwear and masturbate to brother/sister porn.”
“Fair point, ok, I think of it but only in fantasy, reality is different.”
“Oh, thank god, that is exactly how I feel. I don’t want to cross the line but it is a fantasy I can’t let go.”
“You are such a slut.” He laughed.
“I know.” And this time I turned on my back and stared at the ceiling.
“So, you stole my underwear often?” I asked after a short while.
“A few times.”
“Did you feel like a perv? Like completely embarrassed?”
“Yeah.”
“I feel that way a lot.” I smiled at the ceiling.
“You’re ok though, you haven’t lost me. You won’t. I’m actually glad we’re this close and can talk about weird fucking things without us pretending everything is normal.”
“Can I ask you one more really bad thing? Promise not to be upset?” I asked, still not able to look at him.
“Oh shit, now what?”
I pulled off my underwear and jumped on top of him before he knew what was happening. I shoved my underwear in his face and pushed down. “DO YOU LIKE THIS YOU PERVERT!” I laughed. He pushed me off him and I fell to the edge of the bed and fell off. I was laughing so hard he started cracking up. My legs were still propped up on the side of the bed and spread, exposing my pussy to him but it wasn’t weird or creepy. We were just ourselves again.
We hung out a few more times after that. Nothing was weird, everything was great. We still cuddled and that heavy feeling of guilt was gone. We’d get high and sometimes lay in bed and spoon. Sometimes he’d cup my breasts, sometimes just rest his hand on my stomach and lightly run his hand over my skin. Then a month or so later, we hung out again and got crossfaded again. He was telling me how he was so horny because his girlfriend was gone for the last week and a half, on a vacation with her parents. He told me no cuddling because he wasn’t in the mood.
“I think you’re in the mood.” And I pulled him to his bed and we laid there. Just laid there on our backs and I turned and curled into him. Put my leg over his crotch and ran my hand over his chest and we just laid there. I asked for his hand and he gave it to me and I pulled him as I turned over and he spooned me. I put his hand on my stomach, over my shirt.
“I want to try an experiment, you cool?” I asked, being vague.
“I guess.”
“Ok, sit up.” And he and I sat up and crossed legs, looking at each other. I put my hands on the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off. Then took mine off.
“What are we doing?” he asked, looking at my tits for a moment.
“Cuddling proper.” I said and laid back down and he curled up next to me and pressed his skin against mine.
“Ok, but we aren’t crossing the line, or are we?” he asked.
I thought seriously about it for a moment. “No, we’re not crossing the line. How about this. No touching of genitals?”
“ok” he said sheepishly
“And when it gets to be too much, we tell the other person and we masturbate. No questions asked.”
We just laid there cuddling, his hand on my stomach, his hard cock pressed against my ass, our underwear between us.
“Remember when you used to be the big spoon?” he asked me after a while.
“Yeah, that was a long time ago. You’re too big now but we can try it. It will be a little weird.”
“Maybe later.” He said. “Do you and your boyfriend spoon like this all the time?”
“No, he’s a stomach sleeper, you’re my spoon. Do you spoon with your girlfriend?”
“Sometimes, but if I’m honest, I reserve all my spooning for you. It doesn’t feel right with her.”
“Hey!” I smiled, “Are you trying to seduce me? Gross.”
“Fuck, why do I even love you?”
“I don’t know. The bigger question is why do I love you?”
“I have no idea.”
We laid there for a while but I was still drunk and getting restless.
“Ok, let me try to spoon you.” And he turned over and I slid my arm under his side a little and put my head on his back. I moved my other arm to his chest and started rubbing it with my hand. I curled my legs and moved lower down his body. My hand moved to his stomach and I played with his stomach hair. I moved my hand to his underwear and slid my fingers under the band and over the head of his cock. He extended his legs quickly and flopped on his stomach.
“Nope.” He said into the bed.
“Oh fuck, I’m sorry, habit. My bad. Come back here, and I moved up and pulled on his shoulder.
“Is it safe?” he smiled.
“Yes asshole.” And he turned and I moved up so I was higher than his head and tried to cuddle him.
“Nope, your tits are pushing against my shoulders and this feels weird.” So we both rolled on our backs.
“Ok that didn’t work.”
“Sorry, that’s what I do when I’m the big spoon now. I forgot the rules. Sorry!”
“It’s ok, I like being the big spoon.” He got up and walked into the other room and came back with the pipe and we smoked out. “Ok, it is weird smoking with you topless.” He said after the first hit. I put my shirt on and we sat there smoking. We chatted about this and that and then I took off my shirt again.
“Stop doing that.” He laughed.
“I want cuddles!!!” and he laid with me under the blankets.
“Should we sleep?” he asked.
“Sure.”
He held me and his hand roamed a small area on my stomach and I got tired of him not making a move so I grabbed his hand and put it on my left tit. He moaned a little as he massaged my tit. I pushed my ass against his crotch and he pushed back a little.
“This is so much better.” I moaned and he started moving to each breast and playing with my nipples. He played with my breasts for a long time and then moved his hand down to my stomach and I was surprised when he moved down a little and moved his hand to my underwear. He ran his fingers over the band and the front of the material. I lifted my leg and he rubbed my thigh, outside and inside, up and down. His hand moved to my ass and he rubbed my ass for a while and gave it a little squeeze as he lifted his head and moved down a little more and kissed my head, then lower to my neck. He kissed my neck and I moaned.
“That’s a little too much.” I whispered, leaning back and putting my hand on his head as he moved his hand up my body and around my neck, as I pulled his head forward. He breathed in my hair. Then his hand went back to my breasts and quickly down to my crotch. He curled his fingers around the curve of my crotch and I moved my hands and rubbed his cock over his underwear. I moved my hand under the top of his underwear and grabbed his cock and gave it a squeeze and he slid his finger under mine and touched my wetness and played with my labia, running his fingers up and down the lips. As I started to stroke his cock, he found my clit.
“Fuck. We have to stop.” He whispered, “I am afraid I won’t stop but we need to.” I turned and just looked at him. He was right.
“Lay back. I have an idea.” And I pushed his shoulder gently until he was on his back. His hand went under his underwear and he started stroking his cock. I got off the bed and opened his drawer where he kept Mia. I put lube on it and he looked at me and I straddled his legs and pulled off his underwear. He just looked at me as I moved between his legs and sat between them as he spread them wide. I looked at his cock. I wanted to grab it and suck on it. I did grab it and kissed the head and then slid Mia on. I twisted it and slid it up and down his cock and got on my knees and started fingering my dripping cunt. I moved both hands faster and faster and soon moved both hands to Mia and fucked him with it fast and hard. Some times I pushed too hard and he winced but I just couldn’t stop and soon he moaned loudly and lifted his ass and came. His orgasm lasted a while and he came a lot, moaning the entire time, his eyes closed. I slowly removed Mia and cupped my hand so not to drip cum on the blanket, but some dripped out. I took it to the bathroom and got him a damp towel and he cleaned up.
“Thank you.” He smiled at me, cock still standing straight up in the air, getting only slightly smaller. I smiled. “I don’t have toys, so I’ll just go to the couch now.” I said.
“No, do it here.” And he got up, I thought to leave, but he just pulled me on the bed. I laid down and started to finger myself and soon was shoving my two fingers in me hard, making a loud slapping noise each time and moaning loudly. I came and rubbed my clit fast, my juices splashing my legs. After my orgasm subsided, he handed me the towel and I wiped up.
“I shouldn’t have watched that.” He admitted.
“Why, too weird?”
“No, I’m hard again.”
“Let’s just masturbate like Anne and I used to.” And he laid on his back and stroked his cock and I watched him and continued to play with my clit. We played like that for about half an hour and he came again and I was close to my third. I wiped him clean and went to pee. He followed me and then we went back to bed and put on our underwear and spooned again. We both fell asleep quickly.